I close my eyes...

... and I feel my head is spinning...
spinning wildly...

No I'm not drunk... (I tried... but my taste-buds kicked in..and spoiled all the fun.... in any case..that was yesterday..)

I'm confused...

Sharing is something.. I've avoided for so long..
And even now.. when I do share... the reactions are NEVER what I expect...

Facing the unexpected unnerves me...

I like to weigh all the possibilities.. be conscious of what all "can" go wrong..and their respective probabilities..

But when I share... its always like going against my "normal natural self"... I still do it.. often.. and it always has the same effect on me..

Maybe I'm a masochist..

It can't be... that is one category of people I despise.. also people who wallow in self-pity..

Do I loathe myself ??!!

No.. that can't be... just this morning.. I had myself CONVINCED that I'm spectacular...

Am I spectacular ??!!

I need a hug... or maybe.. just a tight slap across my face... by someone who loves me..
Doesn't matter which of the two.... coz they'll both be meant to have the same effect on me..

I need to relax...