... Note to Self....

Do NOT watch weird movies late at nite !!


Its funny how I storm off to watch movies alone in the theatre.. but I look for company when I want to watch one at home !

What is it ?!

Its not just someone or something that catches your interest..... its that quality that "keeps" you interested...


A lot of things/people will make you want to pause and give a second glance... maybe even stop and stare or talk...
You may even obsess about it/them for a while...

But its what/who you still enjoy after a week.. a month.. YEAR... that's what you wanna end up with...

Its all about recognizing that quality...

Two of my closest friends are ending up together after.. hmm.. 5 years of break-ups and make-ups..
It was a long time... methinx.. but better late than never !!
They've finally realized what we ALL knew way back then... that they're PERFECT for each other !!

Kinda expected... still kinda nice...

Missed the match...

.. Apparently Ghana was brilliant though they lost out 3-0 ! :-/

... Over-worked today... finished what I could tomorrow today...

..... Didn't have dinner...


But on the FLIPSIDE...



I heard some of my favorite songs..

1. Road ta Hell...

Well I’m standing by a river

But the water doesn’t flow

It boils with every poison you can think of

And I’m underneath the streetlight

But the light of joy I know

Scared beyond belief way down in the shadows

And the perverted fear of violence

Chokes the smile on every face

And common sense is ringing out the bell

This ain’t no technological breakdown

Oh no, this is the road... to HELL !!!

2. Coldplay... Fix you"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

3. Well this one's not one of my favs.. but still something I sing-along-too

CITY HIGH - WHAT U GONNA DO

What would you do if your son was at home

Crying all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he's hungry

And the only way to feed him is ta

Sleep wit' a man for a little bit of money

And his daddy's gone


But what with the cool breeze an' all.. I enjoyed listenin to the radio...

That's the nice thing about music.. everyone has their favorites.. and they're unique..and that's what makes it special..

Some of your favorites... overlap with other people's favorites..and that makes you feel good.. and some of them .. yer the ONLY one who can stand 'em... and THAT makes you feel good...

Whatever.. I'm BUZZED rite now !!

It wasn't enough....

It wasn't enough that you stabbed me in the back... you did it just after you patted me on the head and said something nice to me...


It wasn't enough that you told me it was always me... you waited and waited and waited.. till I was finally over you...

Hopes crashed...

... so suddenly...


Why the FUCK are good things allergic to my life...


I'm fuckin tired man.. I need a MIRACLE to happen to ME...


I'm so fuckin tired of this SHIT !!!!!

One for the migraine...

.. and 'nother one for the back-ache...

Ah.. I've got all sorts of excuses...

But its got me worried.. coz I'm getting used to it... looking forward to a couple of drinks every other day...

Numbs the pain.. helps me take my mind off "stuff I need to keep my mind off of" !!

Noose or Knot

(borrowed the title from a blog-I-frequent...http://xxfactor.blogspot.com)

The most "pathetic" category of guys I know.. are those who "pretend" that life has or will become HELLISH after marriage..
I mean.. I understand, appreciate and fully acknowledge the fact that marriage isn't for everyone..

BUT THEN WHY GET INTO IT !!

No one's putting a GUN to your head... so why willingly get into something that you think will turn your life into a living HELL !!

I think that's the WORST thing you can do to a woman.. get married to her..and then act like you did her a F***in FAVOUR.. (pardon me french !!)

MEN.. please get the idea OUT OF YOUR HEAD.. that some woman is DESPERATE to marry you.. There are parents in the world still desperate... but most women out there have a LOT of choice whenever they're ready (what with the female infant mortality rates climbing up.. that choice has only increased with time !!)..
They don't need a loser who disrespects women.. to spend the rest of their life with..

And you know what's funny.. a lot of these men.. they DON'T dis-respect women.. they actually WORSHIP their wives in the confines of their home.. its only outside when they're with other "homies"... they wrinkle their nose everytime their wife calls them... even if she's ACTUALLY jus returning their 30 missed calls !!

Most of these losers would've never been with a women if their mommies hadn't found one for them !!

I think its time they acknowledged this fact !!

I.. on my part.. will stop reacting to their immature pretend reactions.. before I get kicked out of work for using foul language in the cafeteria.. :(

I'll change...

... what needs to be changed...

.. myself... maybe.. or at the very least.. my reactions !

.. I'll do what needs to be done !!

Life does its own thing....

... and I do my own...

And that's jus how its supposed to be !!

Today was about... (in no particular order..)

...cracked windscreens...

...overturned games...

...good intentions.. bad timing...

...a call from the lawyers..

...mild discomfort

...well cooked alu gobhi...

...twitching eyes...

...a lot of thunder 'n a lil bit of rain...

...a lot of dancing...

...being unreasonable...

...hurt male egoes...

...too much sugar...

...lower back pain...

...a pictorial representation of my day... would be a graph like this...

/----\_____/-----

I close my eyes...

... and I feel my head is spinning...
spinning wildly...

No I'm not drunk... (I tried... but my taste-buds kicked in..and spoiled all the fun.... in any case..that was yesterday..)

I'm confused...

Sharing is something.. I've avoided for so long..
And even now.. when I do share... the reactions are NEVER what I expect...

Facing the unexpected unnerves me...

I like to weigh all the possibilities.. be conscious of what all "can" go wrong..and their respective probabilities..

But when I share... its always like going against my "normal natural self"... I still do it.. often.. and it always has the same effect on me..

Maybe I'm a masochist..

It can't be... that is one category of people I despise.. also people who wallow in self-pity..

Do I loathe myself ??!!

No.. that can't be... just this morning.. I had myself CONVINCED that I'm spectacular...

Am I spectacular ??!!

I need a hug... or maybe.. just a tight slap across my face... by someone who loves me..
Doesn't matter which of the two.... coz they'll both be meant to have the same effect on me..

I need to relax...

29 .. going on 14...

.. yup.. that's me !!

And that's only "part" of the problem...

I HATE Caroline in the city...

... I used to like it... I mean... its no Seinfeld.. but it was okay..and now ..the two of them are FINALLY together..
... and.. all the fun is gone !


Now about Seinfeld... I think they're showing the first season... these are the really old ones.. and they're not... well.. they're not "Seinfeldy" enuff..

I dunno...

it sux....actually.. it isn't even about seinfeld...

whatever..

f*** everything !

ok.. Im scared as well ..coz this dude I had a big fight with ..at the photocopy place.. has my address.. my phone number... every f**** personal number .. my permanent address..and god knows what else..

It wasn't enuff.. that I wake up to weird noises every other nite... now THIS !!

aaa.. fgt it !

f*** everyone !

I wonder what's worse...

... filling in forms after forms after forms.. with the same bloody information...
... having to go to Kmangla for every photocopy I need.. coz my certificate is too big..
... my test bench crashing even though I made no changes to my code...
... my back ache.. and the early(?) morning cold I get up with daily...
... just the state of mind I've been in.. the last couple of days...

I dunno.. I dunno... I simply dunno...


Is that you... looking at me.. looking at me lookin at you.. thru the starkness of your eyes..
Would it be okay... if I stayed away... so far away.. that you couldn't reach me if you tried...

Things change...

... very abruptly for me...

relationships change... quickly....

I don prefer that... especially with friends... I am not comfortable with sudden changes...
I don like to get too close too suddenly.. or snap-off ties... jus like that...

But things happen.. that force you down certain paths... Realizations that dawn in an instant..

No no.. its not something like .. " I NEVER knew this about myself.. or about him.."
No.. its always things you knew... but then you jus pushed it a lil too far this time... or its some button they pushed... one too many times...


And if you think you know what Im talking about... don KID yerself...


adios...

Livin on my own...

.... I'm going to be "livin on my own"... only for a couple more months now...

I've been thinking about it... and here are some of good 'n the bad:-

the good...
- YOU are the first one to read the paper..
- You can even read it while eating and get grease all over it..
- You don have to look at any other sullen face (but yer own..)
- THERE ARE NO RULES..
- You watch what you want on tv
- No interference
- You dont have to pretend to be interested in what happened to someone else's boss's relative's friend's dog !!

the bad...
- You make tea only fer yerself..and have it only by yerself..
- You have to remember to pay the rent/the cable wala.. the electricity bill..blah bla blah...
- Sometimes.. when yer happy.. its nice to have someone around to share it with...


Ok.. the above is a good summary I guess...
So yea... I don really like to have people around when I'm in a bad mood... that's something I deal with best when I'm alone..
I miss having people around.. only when something really good has happened...

But... having spent this much time on my own.. and LIKING it... I'm curious about whether I've gotten too used to it..and will have trouble adjusting in a not-so-on-my-own situation...

Dunno... only time will tell..and probably this blog...

Long goodbyes.. are weird.. they're not sad...
I've had some sudden goodbyes in my life.. on multiple occasions... they make you overreact.. and leave you emotionally drained.. you say and do stupid things sometimes...

Long ones are good... you have a lot more time to adjust.. and it doesn't really even seem like a goodbye...

What am I TALKING about...

Its gotta be the Bacardi-breezer+chocolate+mango combo !! That was some WICKED stuff man !!