Survival kit...

Last night's survival kit consisted of the following:
- My laptop
- My Simon and Garfunkel collection
- Some old photos
- My cell phone
- Some saved sms-es
- A Novel on Einstein's Entanglement theory...

It took a combination of a heavy dose of the above to get me to relax and then eventually fall asleep...

Maybe I should keep a bottle of wine in the cellar instead...

I'm not 'deep'...

... I'm really not..

I can fool people sometimes.. maybe.. into thinking that I'm 'deep'

At best I make some observations about humankind...

I have a tendency to exaggerate whenever I'm in a bad mood...

I make it sound like its the end of my life...

I bounce back .. usually within 24 hours...

Or it takes me a good movie.. or an episode of Seinfeld...

But I think 'deep' people are more romantic.. I'm jealous of them..

Things happen to them.. or they've had.... difficult childhoods.. or overbearing parents.. or close ones who've died of cancer.. or lovers who have cheated on them..
But they've come out of it... still strong..

It makes you 'feel' for them.. you feel sorry for them... you weep at their vulnerability.. you feel proud for when they re-emerge taking stock of their lives again...

Nothing like that happens to me... I grew up fine.. my parents were pretty much in the middle of the normality-spectrum... No one I really love has died of any horrible disease or in an accident.. No one I loved has ever cheated on me...

I have my bouts of mild depression... They are generally triggered by something quite insignificant... I'd never get any sympathy if I told someone about it..

I'm like... Regular Coke... life is very run-of-the-mill for me..

So please don feel sorry for me... even if I crave for your attention sometimes..

She's perfect...

... you think...
Beautiful dark brown eyes... complexion looks flawless...
Maybe she's wearing make-up.. but it looks so natural.. you can't tell...

Her brown locks fall perfectly on her shoulders... her eyelashes are thick as she bats them at just the right moment...

Her teeth aren't all straight.. some of them are crooked and they overlap.. but that just adds more charm to her smile...

She's dressed perfectly.. white satin top.. with a dark blue skirt... How can she walk so gracely in those high heels...


She's perfect you think... yer in love with her...


-

She's just getting out of bed to get some water.. her throat hurts like hell... she hasn't been out of her room the whole weekend... She limps a little as she drags her blanket with her to the kitchen...

She's wearing unironed white shorts that are three sizes too big for her.. She was to get her legs waxed this weekend.. but she's out sick.. so there's this unseemly stubble on her exposed legs.. She's wearing an oversized shirt with white and orange checks all buttoned up till the top...

Eyebrows are unmade... she always gets this pimple on the left side of her forehead "that time of the month"...
Her curly hair always gets unbearably difficult to handle if she doesn't wash it every second day..


If you still think she's perfect... then maybe you are...

Confession...

I read your diary once..

Well.. it wasn't really a diary.. more like a notepad ...
You weren't trying to hide it from me.. but it wasn't meant for me either...

I know I wasn't supposed to.. But I knew you'd never find out if I didn't tell you...

So one day.. when I walked past it.. not once .. not twice.. but three times...
And I saw it lying there..
I had seen you scribbling in it before..
I picked it up.. and flipped through it..
I found a part of you...

You'd shared a bit of it once with me.. but then..
I remember.. I couldn't express what I felt.. and so you didn't think I deserve to share any more..
But I've had a glimpse at a part of you.. through it..
Not just then.. but afterwards too.. not in the same diary.. at other places..
Where sometimes I feel I'm not meant to be..

So this is a confession...

No.. I don't feel sorry..
but I hate keeping secrets.. from you...

Jus one of dem days....

:(

When my plans again seem to have car-crashed...

Its not easy being an adult incharge of making/ruining your own life and lives of people you love...

Its a huge responsibility...and it SUCKS when you are clueless....

If I weren't an atheist.. I'd say God will show me the way...

But... I know I have to figure this one out on my own...

:(

Gotta stay strong...

-me

********

Just figured that.. thinking about Hardware Accelerators..or DMAs doesn't really take yer mind off the real problems in yer life...
:-/


ps: Ok.. I guess I'm exaggerating.. no one died.. I don have cancer.. and I din lose my job..

Back on the topic of tombstones...

.. I remembered my previous post on tombstones (http://thecasualintellectual.blogspot.com/2005/11/my-tombstone.html) and I decided that this is what my "significant OTHER"'s tombstone is gonna read...

"I did what SHE wanted" !!

There's this dude who looks like a dude I know....

... and the reason I'm blogging about it "today" is coz I saw him outside of my work place for the first time today !! At a place where half-of-this-city shows up every weekend...

But anyway.. getting back to this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know...

I noticed this guy pretty soon after I joined work... He stands out... I think he's like 6'5"or so.. has long hair.. big chin+jaw... so.. whatever.. he stands out !!
But the reason I noticed him... is coz he looks like-this-dude-I-know..
Now I'm a friendly person... I smile a lot at people... its jus something I do...
but this guy isn't that type..and that's ok.. coz a lot of people are like that !!
So this is what happens.. everytime I pass him in the hall... or in the cafeteria.. I just have this urge to peer at his face and think to myself... "DAMN..he looks-like-this-dude-I-know" !! Now no one ELSE at my workplace .. knows this-dude-I-know.. so I can't really discuss this eerie fact with anyone else..
Maybe its all the keeping-to-myself bit that has got me trapped... but I just can't help staring at him.. EVERY SINGLE TIME I pass him by.

So this guy (as I mentioned before) is MUCH taller than the average male software engineer.. and I'm barely average height.. With the result that... whenever I cock my head to catch a glimpse of him... he cleanly notices it !! Now I'd smile if he would... but he doesn't.. so...
And since I've done the peering-bit on more than one occasion.. I think he has gotten some vewy vewy wwong ideas about my noble intentions... He thinx I have a wittle cwush on him...
I can tell by the way he smoothly looks away everytime our gaze meets...

Now I COULD solve this little issue by "pretending" to not notice the 6 foot 5 inch frame of this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know...
but I couldn't care less about what he thinks.. and I enjoy acknowledging the uncanny resemblance way too much to stop it...
:)

So its a fun activity every day at lunch... I look around.. till I catch sight of this dude.. and eventually he looks in my direction... catches me looking at him... and quickly turns his head away..

So a couple of weeks ago... for the first time since I've noticed this guy.. I caught this guy staring at me... (maybe i was looking REALLY hot that day or something .. :P) and I totally got the feeling that if I smile and stop today.. I could get to know this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know.. coz he totally seemed to want to stop and talk (I gather facts like these from the time-duration of eye contact they make with me..and other things that I'll mention in some other blog some day).. I knew I could stop today.. and talk to him... maybe even hTELL him..that he looks like this-dude-I-know... Hence putting an end to the everyday-awkwardness etc...
But here's the irony.. I was TOTALLY in a rush that day..
I was off to meet this-dude-I-know .. yup..and this is actually the DUDE.. who the dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know ACTUALLY looks like !!...
And I was bloody late.. So NATURALLY I had no interest in stopping and talking... and I didn't...

After that day... we're back to the same awkward glance-and-stare situation that we were at before..


g'nite,
me

Sometimes I have "Transparent Dreams"...

... I can't think of any other way to describe them...

They are dreams.. but I see through them... they're transparent...

I lie on my bed.. and I close my eyes.. it doesn't seem like I am asleep.. I keep getting up.. but not with a start..

I get up sometimes because of a noise that distracts me.. also at other times..when I have reached a logical conclusion of one of my transparent dreams...

Then I close my eyes again..and they start..again....

They are more logical and REAL than regular dreams..coz you see.. I'm basically awake.. I KNOW I'm.. dreaming (well..kind of !!)

But they aren't really dreams..they are actually THOUGHTS... rushing through my head... at an ENORMOUS speed....
And not abstract thoughts.. they are well formed thoughts.. verbal... so everytime I close my eyes I can "hear" these thoughts about various things going on in my life... gushing out of my brain at the speed-of-lite !!

And one would think I'd be tired after a nite like that.. but hey.. its 8:15.. and I just finished work...

So...

What song/movie is this from....

"... I'm not trying to seduce you... Would you like me to seduce you ?"

It sounds familiar..but not quite !


I made some resolutions a couple of days ago... now I barely remember them...

- Have to start going to the gym
- Have to learn one new thing
- Have to get better at one thing I already know

And other non-ambitious stuff like that :P

I live for... (in no particular order)

- Food
- My friends
- Seinfeld
- Boyz
- Good music
- Good movies
- Bad movies
- Dancing
- Food
- My family
- x boyfriends
- Memories
- Money
- Food
- Good night's sleep
- Some good luvin
- Seinfeld

So stuff kept me occupied last week...

... I did some stuff I haven't done in a while...

- Got Mehendi on both my hands..and kept it till the next day
- Also got some done over my burnt hand.. so it'd hide the marks.. :-/
- Wore a saree..and (ahem...) didn't look too bad in it ;)
- Did my make-up all by MYSELF !!
- Got mistaken for the bride's sister at my friend's wedding... by several people
Now I thought this was coz I was looking so hot... but then I realized it was coz the bride's neice was hanging from me like a lil Monkey almost the entire time at the wedding (siggggh !!) So junta probably mistook me for the Monkey's mom !
- Didn't really flirt with anyone
- Didn't overeat
- Witnessed a "kabool hai kabool hai kabool hai" Nikah for the first time.. it was interesting...
- And other stuff.. that suddenly sounds too boring for me to mention...