Yea.. its been a while hasn't it ?
I thought of coming back-to-blog several times... there were a lot of things I wanted to "air" out..
- Was re-thinking the whole "Miniscule contributer to Universal probability" thing..
- Wanted to bitch about Customer service in this country
- Wanted to discuss my theory on time travel.. how I believe that Events at time N are the sum total effect of Events at time N - 1 , N - 2, N-3.... -infinity + Events at time N + 1, N + 2, N + 3... +infinity (which contradicts my earlier opinions on destiny and some such.. basically now what I'm, saying is that I DO believe in destiny)
- Wanted to write about my thoughts on evolution... I have a new theory: Maybe when we understand the universe completely... our brains will also evolve completely, and our physical bodies (as we know/ see them) will disappear completely and we will become the universe. So what I'm implying is that we aren't the most evolved species in the universe, we are the likely the "least"... any similar (??) species that existed before us, has evolved "into" the Universe... But it is probably a cycle (with a period, much greater than our Earth's existence) so it will happen again... and again.. and again.. Also the universe is bigger than anyone believes..
- Was also thinking about Godel's incompleteness theorem again, and Schrodinger's cat experiment: What if everything we observe is basically a "side-effect" of the observation. We bias every event, with the observation, and there are million other (probabalistic) events but we can observe only one..
So yes... I've been thinking.. wondering.. just not blogging...
But now I'm back.. maybe I'll stick around awhile...
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
All my bags are packed...
... but... I dunno if I'm ready to go as yet...
In some ways.. I don't need to prepare.. I've done this before..
In certain others.. I've been prepared for a long while..
But in certain other ways... I dunno if I'm ready... or if I'll ever be...
Its difficult.. to leave like this... you do leave a part of you behind....
But you also carry it with you.. a part of the place.. a part of every person who meant anything.. a part of everything you've associated with for this period...
I dunno its jus weird...
"Weird" is just a very convenient word to describe something that's so .. so complex..
In some ways.. I don't need to prepare.. I've done this before..
In certain others.. I've been prepared for a long while..
But in certain other ways... I dunno if I'm ready... or if I'll ever be...
Its difficult.. to leave like this... you do leave a part of you behind....
But you also carry it with you.. a part of the place.. a part of every person who meant anything.. a part of everything you've associated with for this period...
I dunno its jus weird...
"Weird" is just a very convenient word to describe something that's so .. so complex..
Friday, August 18, 2006
Monday, July 31, 2006
FQ...
... No no.. I'm not trying or say f*** y** to someone and being "smrrrt" about it !
The acronym in the title of this post... has two expansions...
1.. Female Quotient...
Here's what bugs me about men (I know I know.. the men are probably going.. here we go again..)..
If yer a gal like me.. and don wear make up on a regular basis.. not really a shopper.. and a gal with an "appetite" to match most men yer age... they you an exception to the "rule"... Which is SO not true.. considering I know PLENTY women like me...
Not only that.. they go to the extent to saying... we're talking about GIRLS... not YOU...
So I'm being outcast coz I can't be typecast... I've been labeled as someone with a low "Female Quotient"
On the flipside..they make flip remarks about women who DO like to shop..and are dainty and sensitive and remember dates etc..
So what do they want really... they want gals like me to act like their mental stereotype image.. so that THEN they can make fun of us...
That's not jus WEIRD... that's SCREWED up...
Y'no what I'd say to them... I'd say... FQ !! and this time.. I AM being smrrrt about it...
2... Fantasy Quotient...
Now this is the other kind of FQ.. Its a fantasy quotient... Its a quotient each individual posseses that measures the degree to which they live their life in a "fantasy land"... People with a high FQ.. live on romantic novels.. Are quite emotional about the men/women they seem to fall in love with all the time..
And people with similar FQ like similar movies I've noticed....
People with low FQ however, prefer to watch the news rather than the Valentine's special marathon on HBO.. Don't get what the "big deal is" everytime the studio audience goes "awwwww.." when Rachel and Ross kiss :) (okay.. Friends is on... not my fault !!)
On the average, women have higher FQ than guys.. and on the average, men with higher FQs.. or atleast ones that can "put on" a higher FQ are considered smoooth with the layyydeees...
Too high an FQ can get troublesome, these are the guys that watch a movie and decide to slit their wrists for the gal they saw yesterday and fell in "love" with. Or think they need to "end their 19 year old life" coz their parents think they are too young to get married to the next door junkie neighbour...
I'm rambling..
bye.
The acronym in the title of this post... has two expansions...
1.. Female Quotient...
Here's what bugs me about men (I know I know.. the men are probably going.. here we go again..)..
If yer a gal like me.. and don wear make up on a regular basis.. not really a shopper.. and a gal with an "appetite" to match most men yer age... they you an exception to the "rule"... Which is SO not true.. considering I know PLENTY women like me...
Not only that.. they go to the extent to saying... we're talking about GIRLS... not YOU...
So I'm being outcast coz I can't be typecast... I've been labeled as someone with a low "Female Quotient"
On the flipside..they make flip remarks about women who DO like to shop..and are dainty and sensitive and remember dates etc..
So what do they want really... they want gals like me to act like their mental stereotype image.. so that THEN they can make fun of us...
That's not jus WEIRD... that's SCREWED up...
Y'no what I'd say to them... I'd say... FQ !! and this time.. I AM being smrrrt about it...
2... Fantasy Quotient...
Now this is the other kind of FQ.. Its a fantasy quotient... Its a quotient each individual posseses that measures the degree to which they live their life in a "fantasy land"... People with a high FQ.. live on romantic novels.. Are quite emotional about the men/women they seem to fall in love with all the time..
And people with similar FQ like similar movies I've noticed....
People with low FQ however, prefer to watch the news rather than the Valentine's special marathon on HBO.. Don't get what the "big deal is" everytime the studio audience goes "awwwww.." when Rachel and Ross kiss :) (okay.. Friends is on... not my fault !!)
On the average, women have higher FQ than guys.. and on the average, men with higher FQs.. or atleast ones that can "put on" a higher FQ are considered smoooth with the layyydeees...
Too high an FQ can get troublesome, these are the guys that watch a movie and decide to slit their wrists for the gal they saw yesterday and fell in "love" with. Or think they need to "end their 19 year old life" coz their parents think they are too young to get married to the next door junkie neighbour...
I'm rambling..
bye.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Its jus you and me kiddo....
... yup.. jus you an me... no one else cares... and even if they DO.. they don really understand...
... and if you aren't with the program either... then ... well.. then its jus me kiddo...
yup.. that's the way it goes.. doesn't it !!
... and if you aren't with the program either... then ... well.. then its jus me kiddo...
yup.. that's the way it goes.. doesn't it !!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Had a GREAT weekend...
... My friend and I went to the theatre... we'd been wanting to do that for a while.. but somehow the plan never materialized... until yesterday...
.. Went to the Ranga Shankara.. saw a play called Double Comedy Hysteria or something like that..
A Chennai-based troupe called Evam I think.. they were pretty damn good !!
... they did a couple of Monthy-Python sketches first... complete with the Brit accent and funny expressions... and post intermission went onto a humorous adaptation of Hamlet..
.. Three guys... took a while to get the audience's pulse..but once they had it... they went for it !! They had perfect comic timing !
.. It was going pretty well... till about the intermission.. and I was tellng my friend .. how whenever I see one of these good theatre performances.. I get this urge to join some kind of theatre workshop...
.. Well post the intermission... my wish was granted... I got "picked" from the audience to play-out a scene.. I got to be Ophelia.. and I got the whole theatre experience... include the critique.. as well as thundering applause after my piece-de-la-resistance... Ophelia's full-throated scream.. that I converted into a squeak making full use of my artistic license...
They nick-named me Bob.. and picked on me for quite sometime.. sending the audience in splits... Well.. the fact that I wasn't wearing any shoes (I always take em off when Im having a good time..).. jus added to the "fun"
When the play ended.. almost everyone there was looking at me and smiling and grinning... as we walked out of the arena..
Even minus the workshop I was having a pretty great time.. but what with.. its a day I'll remember for a WHILE ! :)
.. Went to the Ranga Shankara.. saw a play called Double Comedy Hysteria or something like that..
A Chennai-based troupe called Evam I think.. they were pretty damn good !!
... they did a couple of Monthy-Python sketches first... complete with the Brit accent and funny expressions... and post intermission went onto a humorous adaptation of Hamlet..
.. Three guys... took a while to get the audience's pulse..but once they had it... they went for it !! They had perfect comic timing !
.. It was going pretty well... till about the intermission.. and I was tellng my friend .. how whenever I see one of these good theatre performances.. I get this urge to join some kind of theatre workshop...
.. Well post the intermission... my wish was granted... I got "picked" from the audience to play-out a scene.. I got to be Ophelia.. and I got the whole theatre experience... include the critique.. as well as thundering applause after my piece-de-la-resistance... Ophelia's full-throated scream.. that I converted into a squeak making full use of my artistic license...
They nick-named me Bob.. and picked on me for quite sometime.. sending the audience in splits... Well.. the fact that I wasn't wearing any shoes (I always take em off when Im having a good time..).. jus added to the "fun"
When the play ended.. almost everyone there was looking at me and smiling and grinning... as we walked out of the arena..
Even minus the workshop I was having a pretty great time.. but what with.. its a day I'll remember for a WHILE ! :)
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Its a natural progression...
Take ONE...
... You see someone... or meet someone for a short period of time.... u think he's cute.. good looking... You like his smile... his hair...
You talk to him a little more... you think he has an attitude problem... you probably don't have anything in common with him.. You're sure nothing about you will intrigue or interest him...
Take TWO...
... Its been a week.. you find you DO have stuff in common... a LOT of stuff... And its not his attitude.. he's jus shy... and takes time opening up.... He actually seems interested in talking to you..
But y'know... he's not that good looking up-close !!
---------
Its funny how first impressions change... happens all the time to me...
They go RIGHT ACROSS... 180 degrees.. good to bad.. bad to good... tis all the same !
Too quick to judge she sez... too quick to judge !!
... You see someone... or meet someone for a short period of time.... u think he's cute.. good looking... You like his smile... his hair...
You talk to him a little more... you think he has an attitude problem... you probably don't have anything in common with him.. You're sure nothing about you will intrigue or interest him...
Take TWO...
... Its been a week.. you find you DO have stuff in common... a LOT of stuff... And its not his attitude.. he's jus shy... and takes time opening up.... He actually seems interested in talking to you..
But y'know... he's not that good looking up-close !!
---------
Its funny how first impressions change... happens all the time to me...
They go RIGHT ACROSS... 180 degrees.. good to bad.. bad to good... tis all the same !
Too quick to judge she sez... too quick to judge !!
I hate em...
.. my office guys....
... I hate em hate em hate em... they are immature... sexist...
.. No.. not all of them... but a LOT of them...
:(
..I jus need to learn to SHUT UP !! Not react... not point it out when they are talking like the MORONS that they are... and DEFINITELY not argue with them...
... not not not... I don't have too long here... so WHY BOTHER !!
... I hate em hate em hate em... they are immature... sexist...
.. No.. not all of them... but a LOT of them...
:(
..I jus need to learn to SHUT UP !! Not react... not point it out when they are talking like the MORONS that they are... and DEFINITELY not argue with them...
... not not not... I don't have too long here... so WHY BOTHER !!
Today I know exactly...
... how much I matter to you....
... Or maybe how little...
... I know exactly how you feel about me... because that's exactly how much... or how little I feel about some other people "in my life".. no... not you... someone else...
.. Its this precise position... right on the edge where you have "insignificants" on one side.. and "significants" on the others...
.. I don't matter as much that you are there at my beck and call... or among those whose mood-swings you mirror... but I know you'd ask me what's wrong... if I don't tell you... eventually..
You'll there when I need your help.. and ask for it.. but you won't figure out I need it.. on your own..
.. But you never promised anything more... you never promised anything... and it would be unfair of me to take anything for granted..
.. It all came to me in a flash... it was so clear... and I don't feel bad...
Actually I always knew... but now... I won't hope for it to change....
Take care... all of you..
... Or maybe how little...
... I know exactly how you feel about me... because that's exactly how much... or how little I feel about some other people "in my life".. no... not you... someone else...
.. Its this precise position... right on the edge where you have "insignificants" on one side.. and "significants" on the others...
.. I don't matter as much that you are there at my beck and call... or among those whose mood-swings you mirror... but I know you'd ask me what's wrong... if I don't tell you... eventually..
You'll there when I need your help.. and ask for it.. but you won't figure out I need it.. on your own..
.. But you never promised anything more... you never promised anything... and it would be unfair of me to take anything for granted..
.. It all came to me in a flash... it was so clear... and I don't feel bad...
Actually I always knew... but now... I won't hope for it to change....
Take care... all of you..
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I can't BELIEVE I don't own an umbrella...
.. the Number of hours we used to spend buying a "good quality" umbrella.. that won't go "belly up" everytime the monsoon shows its fury..
And of course.. EVERYONE of them did.. cept for the one that Dad bought in Korea.. hmm.. I think I lost that in MD !
Not just umbrellas.. rainy shoes... Something that doesn't cut yer feet too badly or make em all shrivelled up !!
And extra band-aids to keep in the school bags.. coz Rainy shoes ALWAYS came with their share of shoe-bites !!
I remember when I was in 1st standard (YES I DO remember those days.. quite vividly).. I wanted Red Gum Boots.. yea.. I think that's what they were called..
And mom didnt' buy me those.. there was this Bata shoe shop in Sector Market.. and I used to wistfully stare at those shoes everyone time we'd walk past that place.. (which was every alternate day atleast !!).. and Mom would shake her head and say.. "Nahee bachche.. usmein paer kharaab ho jaate hein.. ".. But other kids were wearing them !! :-/
Also.. I remember once.. this was in school.. I had those dark brown Sandak sandals.. and the PT instructor (Bhagade Sir)... during assembly.. calls a girl to come forward.. she's wearing those closed black rainy shoes.. and then calls me as well.. to face the entire assembly..
I was so excited.. y'see I was the academic sort.. and not good at ANYTHING the PT instructor would approve off.. and he was always the favorite with everyone.. so to be someone HE noticed..was a thing of pride !
So.. gettin back to my short story.. he calls us up in the front..and gives a lecture on Rain wear.. and how the "uniform" code held for rain wear as well.. And then he asks the whole assembly.. "Now which kind of shoes are correct uniform code.."..
Oh.. and they weren't mine... :( So much for being Bhagade's pet !
Not that it mattered what kinda shoes we wore... coz at the first opportunity.. off they came.. GOD it used to fun walking barefoot in the rain.
My colony.. one of the cleanest, greenest place in Mumbai.. had a really good drainage system.. so it looked so beautiful durin the monsoon..and the roads and the footpaths were all squeaky clean..
Another favorite past time.. was to try and split EARTHWORMS in two..and then wait to watch them walk their own two paths... also watching those little boys from Chikkuvaadi slide on the slime in the gutters and try and catch crabs to take home and have for dinner !!
Hmm.. anyway.. its the rain outside that's getting me nostalgic... maybe I should go out for a walk.. sans the umbrella... ;)
And of course.. EVERYONE of them did.. cept for the one that Dad bought in Korea.. hmm.. I think I lost that in MD !
Not just umbrellas.. rainy shoes... Something that doesn't cut yer feet too badly or make em all shrivelled up !!
And extra band-aids to keep in the school bags.. coz Rainy shoes ALWAYS came with their share of shoe-bites !!
I remember when I was in 1st standard (YES I DO remember those days.. quite vividly).. I wanted Red Gum Boots.. yea.. I think that's what they were called..
And mom didnt' buy me those.. there was this Bata shoe shop in Sector Market.. and I used to wistfully stare at those shoes everyone time we'd walk past that place.. (which was every alternate day atleast !!).. and Mom would shake her head and say.. "Nahee bachche.. usmein paer kharaab ho jaate hein.. ".. But other kids were wearing them !! :-/
Also.. I remember once.. this was in school.. I had those dark brown Sandak sandals.. and the PT instructor (Bhagade Sir)... during assembly.. calls a girl to come forward.. she's wearing those closed black rainy shoes.. and then calls me as well.. to face the entire assembly..
I was so excited.. y'see I was the academic sort.. and not good at ANYTHING the PT instructor would approve off.. and he was always the favorite with everyone.. so to be someone HE noticed..was a thing of pride !
So.. gettin back to my short story.. he calls us up in the front..and gives a lecture on Rain wear.. and how the "uniform" code held for rain wear as well.. And then he asks the whole assembly.. "Now which kind of shoes are correct uniform code.."..
Oh.. and they weren't mine... :( So much for being Bhagade's pet !
Not that it mattered what kinda shoes we wore... coz at the first opportunity.. off they came.. GOD it used to fun walking barefoot in the rain.
My colony.. one of the cleanest, greenest place in Mumbai.. had a really good drainage system.. so it looked so beautiful durin the monsoon..and the roads and the footpaths were all squeaky clean..
Another favorite past time.. was to try and split EARTHWORMS in two..and then wait to watch them walk their own two paths... also watching those little boys from Chikkuvaadi slide on the slime in the gutters and try and catch crabs to take home and have for dinner !!
Hmm.. anyway.. its the rain outside that's getting me nostalgic... maybe I should go out for a walk.. sans the umbrella... ;)
Monday, July 10, 2006
This past month....
.. a number of uncharacteristic things happened.. to ME ...
... I fell in love with someone.. fell in love with somethings.. that I never thought I could even be remotely interested in...
... Yesterday.. my heart broke...
... Today.. I'm in a sullen mood.. trying to forget it happened... trying to get back to life..the way it was before all this happened...
... I fell in love with someone.. fell in love with somethings.. that I never thought I could even be remotely interested in...
... Yesterday.. my heart broke...
... Today.. I'm in a sullen mood.. trying to forget it happened... trying to get back to life..the way it was before all this happened...
Monday, July 03, 2006
A decent weekend...
.. after a long long time !!
Here's a summary report !!
--------------NONE|||||A LITTLE|||||GOOD AMOUNT|||||A LOT
BEER/BACARDI-----------------------------X
FOOTBALL-----------------------------------------------X
MOVIES-----------------------------------X
ALONE TIME-------------------------------X
HANGING OUT WID FRIENDS--------------------------------X
SMS/CHATTING---------------X
ON DA PHONE----------------X
OFFICE WORK---X
HOUSE WORK-----------------X
COOKING--------------------X
CLEANING------X
EATING OUT-----------------X
LISTENING TO MUSIC---------X
BLOGGING-------------------X
SURFING-----------------------------------------------X
Ok this graph (??!!) is somehow.. supposed to be indicative of a quantitative measure of the quality of my weekend.. (umm.. does that make it a qualitative measure really ?!)... Don really know HOW to use this data...
But mebbe I can use the same template for next weekend.. and then do a mapping-comparison and derive some meaningful statistics out of it !
hahahaha...
take care y'all !!
-me
Here's a summary report !!
--------------NONE|||||A LITTLE|||||GOOD AMOUNT|||||A LOT
BEER/BACARDI-----------------------------X
FOOTBALL-----------------------------------------------X
MOVIES-----------------------------------X
ALONE TIME-------------------------------X
HANGING OUT WID FRIENDS--------------------------------X
SMS/CHATTING---------------X
ON DA PHONE----------------X
OFFICE WORK---X
HOUSE WORK-----------------X
COOKING--------------------X
CLEANING------X
EATING OUT-----------------X
LISTENING TO MUSIC---------X
BLOGGING-------------------X
SURFING-----------------------------------------------X
Ok this graph (??!!) is somehow.. supposed to be indicative of a quantitative measure of the quality of my weekend.. (umm.. does that make it a qualitative measure really ?!)... Don really know HOW to use this data...
But mebbe I can use the same template for next weekend.. and then do a mapping-comparison and derive some meaningful statistics out of it !
hahahaha...
take care y'all !!
-me
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Idiot Box Gyan...
... ( at the risk of sounding like a self-help-book-reader... )
Heard someone say something on VH1 today.. that made a lot of sense... :-/ yea VH1 !!
" We are all incharge of our own personal happiness.."
And of course you are entitled to make decisions along-the-way that take you there...
Something I totally believe in...
What this also means is that.. if I'm not "happy"... it reflects poorly on my "decision making" ability !!
Hmm... something to think about !!
Heard someone say something on VH1 today.. that made a lot of sense... :-/ yea VH1 !!
" We are all incharge of our own personal happiness.."
And of course you are entitled to make decisions along-the-way that take you there...
Something I totally believe in...
What this also means is that.. if I'm not "happy"... it reflects poorly on my "decision making" ability !!
Hmm... something to think about !!
Weekendz here....
... and I'm so so bored...
.. I got nothing to do... I can go to office.. and WORK..but I don wanna....
.... yup.. nothing's new !
:-/
Watchin nother movie now... My House in Umbria...
Maybe I should swap the couch and the bed... will be good for my neck !
:( I wanna go to the Mark Knopfler concert too...
Ok can't watch this movie.. needs too much concentration...
And I DON'T LOOK LIKE TULSI frm KSBKBT !! I HATE looking at those photos...
Why do they show cartoon shows late at nite... I mean do they actually think kids are up at this time.. watching cartoons ??!!
Bees buzzing... ENIGMA....
SMALLVILLE... is this an old episode or a new one ?!
.. I got nothing to do... I can go to office.. and WORK..but I don wanna....
.... yup.. nothing's new !
:-/
Watchin nother movie now... My House in Umbria...
Maybe I should swap the couch and the bed... will be good for my neck !
:( I wanna go to the Mark Knopfler concert too...
Ok can't watch this movie.. needs too much concentration...
And I DON'T LOOK LIKE TULSI frm KSBKBT !! I HATE looking at those photos...
Why do they show cartoon shows late at nite... I mean do they actually think kids are up at this time.. watching cartoons ??!!
Bees buzzing... ENIGMA....
SMALLVILLE... is this an old episode or a new one ?!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
... Note to Self....
Do NOT watch weird movies late at nite !!
Its funny how I storm off to watch movies alone in the theatre.. but I look for company when I want to watch one at home !
Its funny how I storm off to watch movies alone in the theatre.. but I look for company when I want to watch one at home !
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
What is it ?!
Its not just someone or something that catches your interest..... its that quality that "keeps" you interested...
A lot of things/people will make you want to pause and give a second glance... maybe even stop and stare or talk...
You may even obsess about it/them for a while...
But its what/who you still enjoy after a week.. a month.. YEAR... that's what you wanna end up with...
Its all about recognizing that quality...
Two of my closest friends are ending up together after.. hmm.. 5 years of break-ups and make-ups..
It was a long time... methinx.. but better late than never !!
They've finally realized what we ALL knew way back then... that they're PERFECT for each other !!
Kinda expected... still kinda nice...
A lot of things/people will make you want to pause and give a second glance... maybe even stop and stare or talk...
You may even obsess about it/them for a while...
But its what/who you still enjoy after a week.. a month.. YEAR... that's what you wanna end up with...
Its all about recognizing that quality...
Two of my closest friends are ending up together after.. hmm.. 5 years of break-ups and make-ups..
It was a long time... methinx.. but better late than never !!
They've finally realized what we ALL knew way back then... that they're PERFECT for each other !!
Kinda expected... still kinda nice...
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Missed the match...
.. Apparently Ghana was brilliant though they lost out 3-0 ! :-/
... Over-worked today... finished what I could tomorrow today...
..... Didn't have dinner...
But on the FLIPSIDE...
I heard some of my favorite songs..
1. Road ta Hell...
Well I’m standing by a river
But the water doesn’t flow
It boils with every poison you can think of
And I’m underneath the streetlight
But the light of joy I know
Scared beyond belief way down in the shadows
And the perverted fear of violence
Chokes the smile on every face
And common sense is ringing out the bell
This ain’t no technological breakdown
Oh no, this is the road... to HELL !!!
2. Coldplay... Fix you"
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
3. Well this one's not one of my favs.. but still something I sing-along-too
CITY HIGH - WHAT U GONNA DO
What would you do if your son was at home
Crying all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he's hungry
And the only way to feed him is ta
Sleep wit' a man for a little bit of money
And his daddy's gone
But what with the cool breeze an' all.. I enjoyed listenin to the radio...
That's the nice thing about music.. everyone has their favorites.. and they're unique..and that's what makes it special..
Some of your favorites... overlap with other people's favorites..and that makes you feel good.. and some of them .. yer the ONLY one who can stand 'em... and THAT makes you feel good...
Whatever.. I'm BUZZED rite now !!
... Over-worked today... finished what I could tomorrow today...
..... Didn't have dinner...
But on the FLIPSIDE...
I heard some of my favorite songs..
1. Road ta Hell...
Well I’m standing by a river
But the water doesn’t flow
It boils with every poison you can think of
And I’m underneath the streetlight
But the light of joy I know
Scared beyond belief way down in the shadows
And the perverted fear of violence
Chokes the smile on every face
And common sense is ringing out the bell
This ain’t no technological breakdown
Oh no, this is the road... to HELL !!!
2. Coldplay... Fix you"
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
3. Well this one's not one of my favs.. but still something I sing-along-too
CITY HIGH - WHAT U GONNA DO
What would you do if your son was at home
Crying all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he's hungry
And the only way to feed him is ta
Sleep wit' a man for a little bit of money
And his daddy's gone
But what with the cool breeze an' all.. I enjoyed listenin to the radio...
That's the nice thing about music.. everyone has their favorites.. and they're unique..and that's what makes it special..
Some of your favorites... overlap with other people's favorites..and that makes you feel good.. and some of them .. yer the ONLY one who can stand 'em... and THAT makes you feel good...
Whatever.. I'm BUZZED rite now !!
It wasn't enough....
It wasn't enough that you stabbed me in the back... you did it just after you patted me on the head and said something nice to me...
It wasn't enough that you told me it was always me... you waited and waited and waited.. till I was finally over you...
It wasn't enough that you told me it was always me... you waited and waited and waited.. till I was finally over you...
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Hopes crashed...
... so suddenly...
Why the FUCK are good things allergic to my life...
I'm fuckin tired man.. I need a MIRACLE to happen to ME...
I'm so fuckin tired of this SHIT !!!!!
Why the FUCK are good things allergic to my life...
I'm fuckin tired man.. I need a MIRACLE to happen to ME...
I'm so fuckin tired of this SHIT !!!!!
One for the migraine...
.. and 'nother one for the back-ache...
Ah.. I've got all sorts of excuses...
But its got me worried.. coz I'm getting used to it... looking forward to a couple of drinks every other day...
Numbs the pain.. helps me take my mind off "stuff I need to keep my mind off of" !!
Ah.. I've got all sorts of excuses...
But its got me worried.. coz I'm getting used to it... looking forward to a couple of drinks every other day...
Numbs the pain.. helps me take my mind off "stuff I need to keep my mind off of" !!
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Noose or Knot
(borrowed the title from a blog-I-frequent...http://xxfactor.blogspot.com)
The most "pathetic" category of guys I know.. are those who "pretend" that life has or will become HELLISH after marriage..
I mean.. I understand, appreciate and fully acknowledge the fact that marriage isn't for everyone..
BUT THEN WHY GET INTO IT !!
No one's putting a GUN to your head... so why willingly get into something that you think will turn your life into a living HELL !!
I think that's the WORST thing you can do to a woman.. get married to her..and then act like you did her a F***in FAVOUR.. (pardon me french !!)
MEN.. please get the idea OUT OF YOUR HEAD.. that some woman is DESPERATE to marry you.. There are parents in the world still desperate... but most women out there have a LOT of choice whenever they're ready (what with the female infant mortality rates climbing up.. that choice has only increased with time !!)..
They don't need a loser who disrespects women.. to spend the rest of their life with..
And you know what's funny.. a lot of these men.. they DON'T dis-respect women.. they actually WORSHIP their wives in the confines of their home.. its only outside when they're with other "homies"... they wrinkle their nose everytime their wife calls them... even if she's ACTUALLY jus returning their 30 missed calls !!
Most of these losers would've never been with a women if their mommies hadn't found one for them !!
I think its time they acknowledged this fact !!
I.. on my part.. will stop reacting to their immature pretend reactions.. before I get kicked out of work for using foul language in the cafeteria.. :(
The most "pathetic" category of guys I know.. are those who "pretend" that life has or will become HELLISH after marriage..
I mean.. I understand, appreciate and fully acknowledge the fact that marriage isn't for everyone..
BUT THEN WHY GET INTO IT !!
No one's putting a GUN to your head... so why willingly get into something that you think will turn your life into a living HELL !!
I think that's the WORST thing you can do to a woman.. get married to her..and then act like you did her a F***in FAVOUR.. (pardon me french !!)
MEN.. please get the idea OUT OF YOUR HEAD.. that some woman is DESPERATE to marry you.. There are parents in the world still desperate... but most women out there have a LOT of choice whenever they're ready (what with the female infant mortality rates climbing up.. that choice has only increased with time !!)..
They don't need a loser who disrespects women.. to spend the rest of their life with..
And you know what's funny.. a lot of these men.. they DON'T dis-respect women.. they actually WORSHIP their wives in the confines of their home.. its only outside when they're with other "homies"... they wrinkle their nose everytime their wife calls them... even if she's ACTUALLY jus returning their 30 missed calls !!
Most of these losers would've never been with a women if their mommies hadn't found one for them !!
I think its time they acknowledged this fact !!
I.. on my part.. will stop reacting to their immature pretend reactions.. before I get kicked out of work for using foul language in the cafeteria.. :(
Saturday, June 17, 2006
I'll change...
... what needs to be changed...
.. myself... maybe.. or at the very least.. my reactions !
.. I'll do what needs to be done !!
.. myself... maybe.. or at the very least.. my reactions !
.. I'll do what needs to be done !!
Friday, June 16, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Today was about... (in no particular order..)
...cracked windscreens...
...overturned games...
...good intentions.. bad timing...
...a call from the lawyers..
...mild discomfort
...well cooked alu gobhi...
...twitching eyes...
...a lot of thunder 'n a lil bit of rain...
...a lot of dancing...
...being unreasonable...
...hurt male egoes...
...too much sugar...
...lower back pain...
...a pictorial representation of my day... would be a graph like this...
/----\_____/-----
...overturned games...
...good intentions.. bad timing...
...a call from the lawyers..
...mild discomfort
...well cooked alu gobhi...
...twitching eyes...
...a lot of thunder 'n a lil bit of rain...
...a lot of dancing...
...being unreasonable...
...hurt male egoes...
...too much sugar...
...lower back pain...
...a pictorial representation of my day... would be a graph like this...
/----\_____/-----
Sunday, June 11, 2006
I close my eyes...
... and I feel my head is spinning...
spinning wildly...
No I'm not drunk... (I tried... but my taste-buds kicked in..and spoiled all the fun.... in any case..that was yesterday..)
I'm confused...
Sharing is something.. I've avoided for so long..
And even now.. when I do share... the reactions are NEVER what I expect...
Facing the unexpected unnerves me...
I like to weigh all the possibilities.. be conscious of what all "can" go wrong..and their respective probabilities..
But when I share... its always like going against my "normal natural self"... I still do it.. often.. and it always has the same effect on me..
Maybe I'm a masochist..
It can't be... that is one category of people I despise.. also people who wallow in self-pity..
Do I loathe myself ??!!
No.. that can't be... just this morning.. I had myself CONVINCED that I'm spectacular...
Am I spectacular ??!!
I need a hug... or maybe.. just a tight slap across my face... by someone who loves me..
Doesn't matter which of the two.... coz they'll both be meant to have the same effect on me..
I need to relax...
spinning wildly...
No I'm not drunk... (I tried... but my taste-buds kicked in..and spoiled all the fun.... in any case..that was yesterday..)
I'm confused...
Sharing is something.. I've avoided for so long..
And even now.. when I do share... the reactions are NEVER what I expect...
Facing the unexpected unnerves me...
I like to weigh all the possibilities.. be conscious of what all "can" go wrong..and their respective probabilities..
But when I share... its always like going against my "normal natural self"... I still do it.. often.. and it always has the same effect on me..
Maybe I'm a masochist..
It can't be... that is one category of people I despise.. also people who wallow in self-pity..
Do I loathe myself ??!!
No.. that can't be... just this morning.. I had myself CONVINCED that I'm spectacular...
Am I spectacular ??!!
I need a hug... or maybe.. just a tight slap across my face... by someone who loves me..
Doesn't matter which of the two.... coz they'll both be meant to have the same effect on me..
I need to relax...
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I HATE Caroline in the city...
... I used to like it... I mean... its no Seinfeld.. but it was okay..and now ..the two of them are FINALLY together..
... and.. all the fun is gone !
Now about Seinfeld... I think they're showing the first season... these are the really old ones.. and they're not... well.. they're not "Seinfeldy" enuff..
I dunno...
it sux....actually.. it isn't even about seinfeld...
whatever..
f*** everything !
ok.. Im scared as well ..coz this dude I had a big fight with ..at the photocopy place.. has my address.. my phone number... every f**** personal number .. my permanent address..and god knows what else..
It wasn't enuff.. that I wake up to weird noises every other nite... now THIS !!
aaa.. fgt it !
f*** everyone !
... and.. all the fun is gone !
Now about Seinfeld... I think they're showing the first season... these are the really old ones.. and they're not... well.. they're not "Seinfeldy" enuff..
I dunno...
it sux....actually.. it isn't even about seinfeld...
whatever..
f*** everything !
ok.. Im scared as well ..coz this dude I had a big fight with ..at the photocopy place.. has my address.. my phone number... every f**** personal number .. my permanent address..and god knows what else..
It wasn't enuff.. that I wake up to weird noises every other nite... now THIS !!
aaa.. fgt it !
f*** everyone !
I wonder what's worse...
... filling in forms after forms after forms.. with the same bloody information...
... having to go to Kmangla for every photocopy I need.. coz my certificate is too big..
... my test bench crashing even though I made no changes to my code...
... my back ache.. and the early(?) morning cold I get up with daily...
... just the state of mind I've been in.. the last couple of days...
I dunno.. I dunno... I simply dunno...
Is that you... looking at me.. looking at me lookin at you.. thru the starkness of your eyes..
Would it be okay... if I stayed away... so far away.. that you couldn't reach me if you tried...
... having to go to Kmangla for every photocopy I need.. coz my certificate is too big..
... my test bench crashing even though I made no changes to my code...
... my back ache.. and the early(?) morning cold I get up with daily...
... just the state of mind I've been in.. the last couple of days...
I dunno.. I dunno... I simply dunno...
Is that you... looking at me.. looking at me lookin at you.. thru the starkness of your eyes..
Would it be okay... if I stayed away... so far away.. that you couldn't reach me if you tried...
Monday, June 05, 2006
Things change...
... very abruptly for me...
relationships change... quickly....
I don prefer that... especially with friends... I am not comfortable with sudden changes...
I don like to get too close too suddenly.. or snap-off ties... jus like that...
But things happen.. that force you down certain paths... Realizations that dawn in an instant..
No no.. its not something like .. " I NEVER knew this about myself.. or about him.."
No.. its always things you knew... but then you jus pushed it a lil too far this time... or its some button they pushed... one too many times...
And if you think you know what Im talking about... don KID yerself...
adios...
relationships change... quickly....
I don prefer that... especially with friends... I am not comfortable with sudden changes...
I don like to get too close too suddenly.. or snap-off ties... jus like that...
But things happen.. that force you down certain paths... Realizations that dawn in an instant..
No no.. its not something like .. " I NEVER knew this about myself.. or about him.."
No.. its always things you knew... but then you jus pushed it a lil too far this time... or its some button they pushed... one too many times...
And if you think you know what Im talking about... don KID yerself...
adios...
Livin on my own...
.... I'm going to be "livin on my own"... only for a couple more months now...
I've been thinking about it... and here are some of good 'n the bad:-
the good...
- YOU are the first one to read the paper..
- You can even read it while eating and get grease all over it..
- You don have to look at any other sullen face (but yer own..)
- THERE ARE NO RULES..
- You watch what you want on tv
- No interference
- You dont have to pretend to be interested in what happened to someone else's boss's relative's friend's dog !!
the bad...
- You make tea only fer yerself..and have it only by yerself..
- You have to remember to pay the rent/the cable wala.. the electricity bill..blah bla blah...
- Sometimes.. when yer happy.. its nice to have someone around to share it with...
Ok.. the above is a good summary I guess...
So yea... I don really like to have people around when I'm in a bad mood... that's something I deal with best when I'm alone..
I miss having people around.. only when something really good has happened...
But... having spent this much time on my own.. and LIKING it... I'm curious about whether I've gotten too used to it..and will have trouble adjusting in a not-so-on-my-own situation...
Dunno... only time will tell..and probably this blog...
Long goodbyes.. are weird.. they're not sad...
I've had some sudden goodbyes in my life.. on multiple occasions... they make you overreact.. and leave you emotionally drained.. you say and do stupid things sometimes...
Long ones are good... you have a lot more time to adjust.. and it doesn't really even seem like a goodbye...
What am I TALKING about...
Its gotta be the Bacardi-breezer+chocolate+mango combo !! That was some WICKED stuff man !!
I've been thinking about it... and here are some of good 'n the bad:-
the good...
- YOU are the first one to read the paper..
- You can even read it while eating and get grease all over it..
- You don have to look at any other sullen face (but yer own..)
- THERE ARE NO RULES..
- You watch what you want on tv
- No interference
- You dont have to pretend to be interested in what happened to someone else's boss's relative's friend's dog !!
the bad...
- You make tea only fer yerself..and have it only by yerself..
- You have to remember to pay the rent/the cable wala.. the electricity bill..blah bla blah...
- Sometimes.. when yer happy.. its nice to have someone around to share it with...
Ok.. the above is a good summary I guess...
So yea... I don really like to have people around when I'm in a bad mood... that's something I deal with best when I'm alone..
I miss having people around.. only when something really good has happened...
But... having spent this much time on my own.. and LIKING it... I'm curious about whether I've gotten too used to it..and will have trouble adjusting in a not-so-on-my-own situation...
Dunno... only time will tell..and probably this blog...
Long goodbyes.. are weird.. they're not sad...
I've had some sudden goodbyes in my life.. on multiple occasions... they make you overreact.. and leave you emotionally drained.. you say and do stupid things sometimes...
Long ones are good... you have a lot more time to adjust.. and it doesn't really even seem like a goodbye...
What am I TALKING about...
Its gotta be the Bacardi-breezer+chocolate+mango combo !! That was some WICKED stuff man !!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
I get it..
Its the need to discard everything and everyone familiar...
.. the need to get away.. stay away.. aloof... unreachable...
.. without making it too obvious... coz otherwise.. people tend to crowd you.. and reach out... which is precisely what yer trying to escape..
.. I get it... atleast I think I do..
Is that you... looking at me... looking at you.. thru the windows of your soul..
.. the need to get away.. stay away.. aloof... unreachable...
.. without making it too obvious... coz otherwise.. people tend to crowd you.. and reach out... which is precisely what yer trying to escape..
.. I get it... atleast I think I do..
Is that you... looking at me... looking at you.. thru the windows of your soul..
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Approximately.....
ap·prox·i·mate . ly
v. intr.
To come near or close, as in degree, nature, or quality. ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-prks-mt)
If I promise to stay... approximately the same...
Do you promise to stay .. approximately in touch.. and approximately my friend ?!...
Monday, May 22, 2006
Its sickening...
... 50 % reservation
... female infanticide...
... corruption...
... population explosion...
... communalism...
... dowry deaths...
... its just sickening...
But what do I do... stop watching the news... walk away from the problems... leave the country ?
Most people I talk to.. say that anything I will try to do.. will be futile... the problem is either.. too big... or too complicated.. or too out of hand...
... but isn't that the whole problem... that people "assume" there is nothing they can do about it ?!
... And please please PLEASE don't tell me I sound like someone from Rang De Basanti... this ISN'T an after-effect of the movie...
... Its an after-effect of switching between news channels for over an hour....
... female infanticide...
... corruption...
... population explosion...
... communalism...
... dowry deaths...
... its just sickening...
But what do I do... stop watching the news... walk away from the problems... leave the country ?
Most people I talk to.. say that anything I will try to do.. will be futile... the problem is either.. too big... or too complicated.. or too out of hand...
... but isn't that the whole problem... that people "assume" there is nothing they can do about it ?!
... And please please PLEASE don't tell me I sound like someone from Rang De Basanti... this ISN'T an after-effect of the movie...
... Its an after-effect of switching between news channels for over an hour....
Thursday, May 11, 2006
My Blog-"seduce" Personality....
.... but then again.. it could just be wishful thinking... ;)
...nevertheless...
...nevertheless...
Your Seduction Style: The Charismatic |
 You're beyond seductive, you're downright magnetic! You life live and approach seduction on a grand scale. You have an inner self confidence and energy that most people lack It's these talents that make you seem extraordinary - and you truly are! |
Monday, May 01, 2006
A Bar Of Soap....
... I'm not sure if this is the title.. a short story by 'Saki'.. was in my C.B.S.E Read for Pleasure English text book...
I can't seem to remember the entire story...
If someone does... could you post the transcript in brief ?!
I'm going OUT OF MY MIND trying to remember it... googled fer it.. but with no luck.. I think I have the title wrong...
Any help would be much appreciated....
I can't seem to remember the entire story...
If someone does... could you post the transcript in brief ?!
I'm going OUT OF MY MIND trying to remember it... googled fer it.. but with no luck.. I think I have the title wrong...
Any help would be much appreciated....
Saturday, April 08, 2006
....
Sometimes your kiss .. your caress.. doesn't make it through..
I try and reach out for you.. but I can't touch you..
.... and it kills me... everytime...
I try and reach out for you.. but I can't touch you..
.... and it kills me... everytime...
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Its funny...
how nice it feels..when someone tells you they'll remember you forever...
maybe its coz you imagine you are hardly worth remembering...
Aah..the foot has fallen asleep..but the brain refuses to rest..
The brain prefers OFFICE HOURS to take its siesta..
Ciao now..
maybe its coz you imagine you are hardly worth remembering...
Aah..the foot has fallen asleep..but the brain refuses to rest..
The brain prefers OFFICE HOURS to take its siesta..
Ciao now..
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Disclaimer
The short story below is a work of fiction (if it were any GOOD, I would've liked to call it a work of ART !!). Any resemblence to any characters "alive" is purely intentional and mostly due to my complete lack of imagination. The author believes in borowing from her own life..
---
Also, there is no twist in the end.. coz that would make me a good writer... which I'm not. And the only inspiration I had was the dead of the night (or the calm of the morning.. ) and a hundred rupee book of short stories by O'Henry.. most of which by the way.. don't have any twists in the end either.....
---
Also, there is no twist in the end.. coz that would make me a good writer... which I'm not. And the only inspiration I had was the dead of the night (or the calm of the morning.. ) and a hundred rupee book of short stories by O'Henry.. most of which by the way.. don't have any twists in the end either.....
“Good Morning..”
... He wrote and then pressed “Send”. He didn’t need to write much else. There wasn’t any “need” to write this either actually... just a bad habit he had gotten into.. He lived alone and she was alone too for the time being.. and she was a known sms-freak Prasad thought to himself.. Sometimes her replies came before his sms even left his cell.. He surfed channels and smoked another cigarette as he waited for her response…
Akash was surfing too… wondering if he should go to office and do some work.. but he was still recovering from his illness and wondered if he’d REALLY be able to accomplish anything even if he did go.. He came across Notting Hill on Star Movies.. sent an sms to her.. saying it was on. He didn’t think he needed to actually.. she was probably watching the same thing.. He settled back in his bed.. and looked around to see if his cigarettes were within reach…
Sarita walked up the stairs to the apartment and rang the bell as she wiped off sweat from her brow. It was hot today and this was her THIRD trip to the apartment. She had gotten quite accustomed to not having “madam” open the door the first couple of times Saturday mornings. But it didn’t bother her much, her quarters were just downstairs.. and “madam” overpaid her . There was hardly anything to do at her place since the other “madam” had left… She left thinking she’ll try one last time before quitting for the day. She knew “madam” hadn’t gone out.. else Kamal at the gate would have told her so…
Prasad had already sent her a couple more sms-es. It was pretty hot and he didn’t have anything to do. Thought he would go and catch a cup of tea with her. Yesterday he had decided he wouldn’t go again for a couple of days.. they seemed to have arguments more often now.. over really insignificant things. She was getting to be quite a bitch actually,. But… some company is better than no company.. and she had her moments..
It was weird that she hadn’t responded yet.. could she still be sleeping ?
Putting down his cigarette Akash picked up his cell phone again.. checked the last message he got from her. He had fallen asleep last nite, but as usual she had continued to send him sms-es. “Wannabe-philosopher” is what he called her.. The last one he had received from her was pretty late. Maybe she’s still asleep, that’s why she hasn’t responded. Or she could just as easily be out of money. Doesn’t matter. He had decided to get dressed and head out after all…
Sarita was making her last trip to the apartment. She had double-checked with Kamal this time, and thought it was very weird that madam wasn’t opening the door. She rang the bell.. thrice and knocked harder this time. She was sure madam would ATLEAST want her to do the dishes..
Prasad was just burning out his cigarette butt and paying for a piece of mint. She hated cigarette breath. Not that she had any business telling him that, or what to do, but he had gotten into the habit of popping in a mint before he went up to meet her. He was quite sure she had finished all the money on her cell.. sending out late nite sms-es. But doesn’t she have a landline too.. he tried to remember..
Sarita was just explaining everything to kamal when she saw this guy coming towards the complex. Kamal seemed to recognize him..
As he reached close to the elevator Prasad saw Kamal there without his usual smile… instead he had a worried look on his face.. he was standing with another woman.. As he started up towards her apartment, they called out to him and explained to him in their broken hindi that Madam wasn’t opening the door. Prasad told them it was probably nothing, but felt his pulse race. He knew she sometimes just didn’t want to be disturbed. But today she hadn’t even pulled in the paper…
Akash realized he wasn’t going to get any work done after all. After checking out some movie schedules and downloading some songs, he decided to head home. He was angry with himself for having left his cell phone at home. All his friends numbers were on there.. he was quite helpless without it. He slowly walked down towards his car in the parking lot… he didn’t want to hurry, he still felt quite weak.…
“Oye, where are you ?” he sent another sms. A couple of people had collected outside the house and Prasad was started to get really worried. He had banged the door and tried to call her up. They all thought they could hear her mobile ringing inside, and that worried him more. He wished she would just pick up the cell and say “Hello”..she could be so stubborn sometimes..
Akash stopped off for a coffee before going home. He had gotten into this habit after his trip to the “coffee-land”.. the U S of A. Before that he was “strictly” a tea drinker…
Prasad had finally decided that something was really wrong, he had contacted the landlord and informed him that he was going to pry open the door. It’s a good thing she had introduced him to the landlord once. Better still, that the landlord was able to place him by name… He was about 200 kms away from Bangalore today and not planning to come back until the day after. After speaking with Prasad ofcourse, he had asked to speak with Kamal, probably instructing him on what to do in case of various eventualities. Anyway, no time to think of that.
Akash finally got home and opened the door and let himself in. It was bitter-sweet living on his own. He told everyone it was great, and that wasn’t altogether a lie..but he did miss the buffoonery of his ex-roommates !!
The door wasn’t that difficult to open. She was always saying.. that if someone wanted, they could just walk into her apartment anytime..
Prasad pushed open the door..and rushed towards her room but as he looked inside..... he stood rooted to the spot..
Sarita rushed back to her children and sister-in-law. They are going to talk about this for months she thought.. She had asked madam to pay her two months salary together so that she could hide it from her drunk husband.. Madam always paid her on the fifth.…
She would have to find new work fast…
Akash found his cell phone lying on top of the tv. “1 New Message” it said. Probably from her he thought… the “Casual Intellectual” she liked to call herself... hah...
They handed over the cell phone to Prasad.. and asked him to call the “concerned parties”… his hand shook as he held her cell phone… “13 Missed calls” it said.. “ and 9 New Messages…”
---
Akash was surprised to see that the message was from Prasad. It had been a while since he had heard from him.. wonder what’s up…
Akash was surfing too… wondering if he should go to office and do some work.. but he was still recovering from his illness and wondered if he’d REALLY be able to accomplish anything even if he did go.. He came across Notting Hill on Star Movies.. sent an sms to her.. saying it was on. He didn’t think he needed to actually.. she was probably watching the same thing.. He settled back in his bed.. and looked around to see if his cigarettes were within reach…
Sarita walked up the stairs to the apartment and rang the bell as she wiped off sweat from her brow. It was hot today and this was her THIRD trip to the apartment. She had gotten quite accustomed to not having “madam” open the door the first couple of times Saturday mornings. But it didn’t bother her much, her quarters were just downstairs.. and “madam” overpaid her . There was hardly anything to do at her place since the other “madam” had left… She left thinking she’ll try one last time before quitting for the day. She knew “madam” hadn’t gone out.. else Kamal at the gate would have told her so…
Prasad had already sent her a couple more sms-es. It was pretty hot and he didn’t have anything to do. Thought he would go and catch a cup of tea with her. Yesterday he had decided he wouldn’t go again for a couple of days.. they seemed to have arguments more often now.. over really insignificant things. She was getting to be quite a bitch actually,. But… some company is better than no company.. and she had her moments..
It was weird that she hadn’t responded yet.. could she still be sleeping ?
Putting down his cigarette Akash picked up his cell phone again.. checked the last message he got from her. He had fallen asleep last nite, but as usual she had continued to send him sms-es. “Wannabe-philosopher” is what he called her.. The last one he had received from her was pretty late. Maybe she’s still asleep, that’s why she hasn’t responded. Or she could just as easily be out of money. Doesn’t matter. He had decided to get dressed and head out after all…
Sarita was making her last trip to the apartment. She had double-checked with Kamal this time, and thought it was very weird that madam wasn’t opening the door. She rang the bell.. thrice and knocked harder this time. She was sure madam would ATLEAST want her to do the dishes..
Prasad was just burning out his cigarette butt and paying for a piece of mint. She hated cigarette breath. Not that she had any business telling him that, or what to do, but he had gotten into the habit of popping in a mint before he went up to meet her. He was quite sure she had finished all the money on her cell.. sending out late nite sms-es. But doesn’t she have a landline too.. he tried to remember..
Sarita was just explaining everything to kamal when she saw this guy coming towards the complex. Kamal seemed to recognize him..
As he reached close to the elevator Prasad saw Kamal there without his usual smile… instead he had a worried look on his face.. he was standing with another woman.. As he started up towards her apartment, they called out to him and explained to him in their broken hindi that Madam wasn’t opening the door. Prasad told them it was probably nothing, but felt his pulse race. He knew she sometimes just didn’t want to be disturbed. But today she hadn’t even pulled in the paper…
Akash realized he wasn’t going to get any work done after all. After checking out some movie schedules and downloading some songs, he decided to head home. He was angry with himself for having left his cell phone at home. All his friends numbers were on there.. he was quite helpless without it. He slowly walked down towards his car in the parking lot… he didn’t want to hurry, he still felt quite weak.…
“Oye, where are you ?” he sent another sms. A couple of people had collected outside the house and Prasad was started to get really worried. He had banged the door and tried to call her up. They all thought they could hear her mobile ringing inside, and that worried him more. He wished she would just pick up the cell and say “Hello”..she could be so stubborn sometimes..
Akash stopped off for a coffee before going home. He had gotten into this habit after his trip to the “coffee-land”.. the U S of A. Before that he was “strictly” a tea drinker…
Prasad had finally decided that something was really wrong, he had contacted the landlord and informed him that he was going to pry open the door. It’s a good thing she had introduced him to the landlord once. Better still, that the landlord was able to place him by name… He was about 200 kms away from Bangalore today and not planning to come back until the day after. After speaking with Prasad ofcourse, he had asked to speak with Kamal, probably instructing him on what to do in case of various eventualities. Anyway, no time to think of that.
Akash finally got home and opened the door and let himself in. It was bitter-sweet living on his own. He told everyone it was great, and that wasn’t altogether a lie..but he did miss the buffoonery of his ex-roommates !!
The door wasn’t that difficult to open. She was always saying.. that if someone wanted, they could just walk into her apartment anytime..
Prasad pushed open the door..and rushed towards her room but as he looked inside..... he stood rooted to the spot..
Sarita rushed back to her children and sister-in-law. They are going to talk about this for months she thought.. She had asked madam to pay her two months salary together so that she could hide it from her drunk husband.. Madam always paid her on the fifth.…
She would have to find new work fast…
Akash found his cell phone lying on top of the tv. “1 New Message” it said. Probably from her he thought… the “Casual Intellectual” she liked to call herself... hah...
They handed over the cell phone to Prasad.. and asked him to call the “concerned parties”… his hand shook as he held her cell phone… “13 Missed calls” it said.. “ and 9 New Messages…”
---
Akash was surprised to see that the message was from Prasad. It had been a while since he had heard from him.. wonder what’s up…
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Stuff that I l learnt... this week...
1. Its OKAY to be depressed... Even superman is depressed.. almost always..and COME ON... he's SUPERMAN... I DO understand if spiderman or batman were a little glum sometime.. but SUPERMAN ??!! I guess its quite alright if I'm not too crazy about the way things are going sometimes..
2. I read this.. during TADPOLE today.. it says... "Cherish truth, Pardon Error".. Easier said than done I know.. but something to think about
3. Everybody hurts.... sometime..
2. I read this.. during TADPOLE today.. it says... "Cherish truth, Pardon Error".. Easier said than done I know.. but something to think about
3. Everybody hurts.... sometime..
Monday, March 27, 2006
Another spell... :(
Of a different kind this time...
I got up with an unbearable stomach ache.. probably GAS from the can of Diet coke I had just before bed..
Just as I came back from the restroom.. the pain got worse.. my hands got cold..and I .. hmm.. .maybe "collapsed" is an extreme word.. but kinda "dropped" onto the floor on my hands and knees... And I couldn't get get back to bed..
The doorbell rang .. it was the maid.. but here I was lying on the floor.. helpless.. sweating profusely... wondering which one of my friends would have to take me to the hospital if this were serious.. also if it might be appendicitis or a Kidney stone..
Well after what seemed like an eternity.. I finally got the energy to get back into bed and I was out for atleast an hour or two...
I got up..and I was FINE.. like nothing happened..
WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME MAN !!
X(
I got up with an unbearable stomach ache.. probably GAS from the can of Diet coke I had just before bed..
Just as I came back from the restroom.. the pain got worse.. my hands got cold..and I .. hmm.. .maybe "collapsed" is an extreme word.. but kinda "dropped" onto the floor on my hands and knees... And I couldn't get get back to bed..
The doorbell rang .. it was the maid.. but here I was lying on the floor.. helpless.. sweating profusely... wondering which one of my friends would have to take me to the hospital if this were serious.. also if it might be appendicitis or a Kidney stone..
Well after what seemed like an eternity.. I finally got the energy to get back into bed and I was out for atleast an hour or two...
I got up..and I was FINE.. like nothing happened..
WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME MAN !!
X(
Sunday, March 26, 2006
A bit on "Maturity" or the lack thereof...
I was discussing this with a couple of friends...
Some of them thought it was utter nonsense.. others thought it made a bit of sense..
So here goes..
I think the biggest distinguishing factor between a mature society (or person even) and an immature one.. lies in whether it cleans up its own shit.. or whether it "ends up" cleaning other people's shit...
I mean the above statement.. literally.. as well as figuratively...
Now if yer confused.. that's totally understandable.. I'm gonna try and explain it a li'l bit..
A mature society is one that REALIZES that SHIT will eventually need to be cleaned up.... and hence.. it simply plays its part by "cleaning up" after itself...
An immature society consists of people who.. during the initial stages.. refuse to clean up after themselves... and then EVENTUALLY... when the entire place is all shitty and stuff.. end up cleaning up "before themselves" rather than afterwards...
Now this applies to a LOT of things in society.. not just the restrooms at the FORUM... it applies to government offices... projects at work.. building societies.. people etc etc...
well that's about it.. I think I should try and get some sleep now..
I haven't been out of the blog scene.. jus busy blog-reading rather than writing..
Also figured out my bloginality... check out the link in the side bar --------->
Not that it has any relevance. There were a bunch of questions with two sets of answers in two different columns.. I just alternated one from each column.. I guess that's what an Type-ESTP does !!!
Some of them thought it was utter nonsense.. others thought it made a bit of sense..
So here goes..
I think the biggest distinguishing factor between a mature society (or person even) and an immature one.. lies in whether it cleans up its own shit.. or whether it "ends up" cleaning other people's shit...
I mean the above statement.. literally.. as well as figuratively...
Now if yer confused.. that's totally understandable.. I'm gonna try and explain it a li'l bit..
A mature society is one that REALIZES that SHIT will eventually need to be cleaned up.... and hence.. it simply plays its part by "cleaning up" after itself...
An immature society consists of people who.. during the initial stages.. refuse to clean up after themselves... and then EVENTUALLY... when the entire place is all shitty and stuff.. end up cleaning up "before themselves" rather than afterwards...
Now this applies to a LOT of things in society.. not just the restrooms at the FORUM... it applies to government offices... projects at work.. building societies.. people etc etc...
well that's about it.. I think I should try and get some sleep now..
I haven't been out of the blog scene.. jus busy blog-reading rather than writing..
Also figured out my bloginality... check out the link in the side bar --------->
Not that it has any relevance. There were a bunch of questions with two sets of answers in two different columns.. I just alternated one from each column.. I guess that's what an Type-ESTP does !!!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
I don like romantic movies...
.. in which the guy or the girl leaves the "in"significant other standing at the ALTAR... while they pursue their "REAL LOVE" !!
No matter how romantic the couple-in-question is.. or how extenuating the circumstances or the series-of-events that utimately lead to this kinda situation.. . and I DO know these are jus movies.. but STILL.. I just cannot HELP feeling sick to the stomach for the poor dude/dudette left in abandon at the ALTAR nonetheless !!
I think its just HEARTLESS the way the "THE END" of the movie.. actually is just "THE BEGINNING" of a loooong period of recovery and rebound for the Altar-person...
No matter how romantic the couple-in-question is.. or how extenuating the circumstances or the series-of-events that utimately lead to this kinda situation.. . and I DO know these are jus movies.. but STILL.. I just cannot HELP feeling sick to the stomach for the poor dude/dudette left in abandon at the ALTAR nonetheless !!
I think its just HEARTLESS the way the "THE END" of the movie.. actually is just "THE BEGINNING" of a loooong period of recovery and rebound for the Altar-person...
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Strange kind of discomfort...
Heaviness in the chest... burning in the eyes.. restless of the mind...
What's the point.. I wonder.. maybe none...
but then... why wonder.. if there's no point ?!
The damp earth after the rain.. it smells like stagnated seepage in the walls now..
The comfort of my independence... seems like a burden of existence..
How ironic.. Time Machine on HBO...
I remember.. from "The Interpreter" they kept a list of favorite words..
Cashew nuts used to be one of my favorites....
Idyllic was my friends's... that's how he described his time spent with me.. twas a long long LONG time ago...
I think watching Time Machine for the 11th time will put me to sleep..
Heaviness in the chest... burning in the eyes.. restless of the mind...
What's the point.. I wonder.. maybe none...
but then... why wonder.. if there's no point ?!
The damp earth after the rain.. it smells like stagnated seepage in the walls now..
The comfort of my independence... seems like a burden of existence..
How ironic.. Time Machine on HBO...
I remember.. from "The Interpreter" they kept a list of favorite words..
Cashew nuts used to be one of my favorites....
Idyllic was my friends's... that's how he described his time spent with me.. twas a long long LONG time ago...
I think watching Time Machine for the 11th time will put me to sleep..
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
I've figured out some things...
... I've figured out where the line-of-the-ants on the fridge in the kitchen starts from. It starts from a tiny lil opening close to my bathroom window.. So I covered that up with black insulation tape and confused the shit out of the ants..
.. I figured out a way to not have mosquitoes flood my apt when I come back home in the evenings. I first stick the key in the keyhole and then switch off the lights in the hallway before I quickly open the door.. the damn things dunno which way to head !!
... I've also figured out what dynamic_cast is all about in VC++. Its about some kinda run-time check that checks if yer upcasting/downcasting all in the same hierarchy..
..I've figured out I should have a cup of milk every morning to avoid getting osteoporosis when I'm forty !
..I've figured out that's there's no point pretending to like something/someone you don't.. and there's no point announcing it either...
... I've figured out a lot..and I know that I still gotta figure out a lot more...
.. I figured out a way to not have mosquitoes flood my apt when I come back home in the evenings. I first stick the key in the keyhole and then switch off the lights in the hallway before I quickly open the door.. the damn things dunno which way to head !!
... I've also figured out what dynamic_cast is all about in VC++. Its about some kinda run-time check that checks if yer upcasting/downcasting all in the same hierarchy..
..I've figured out I should have a cup of milk every morning to avoid getting osteoporosis when I'm forty !
..I've figured out that's there's no point pretending to like something/someone you don't.. and there's no point announcing it either...
... I've figured out a lot..and I know that I still gotta figure out a lot more...
Sunday, March 05, 2006
I admit it... its hard..
Its hard not to...
Even though.. I've 'been there' before...
This is the first time that it seemed harder for me..than for him...
I tried hard.. not to show it.. but I don think he bought it..
Wish I were stronger...
Even though.. I've 'been there' before...
This is the first time that it seemed harder for me..than for him...
I tried hard.. not to show it.. but I don think he bought it..
Wish I were stronger...
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Survival kit...
Last night's survival kit consisted of the following:
- My laptop
- My Simon and Garfunkel collection
- Some old photos
- My cell phone
- Some saved sms-es
- A Novel on Einstein's Entanglement theory...
It took a combination of a heavy dose of the above to get me to relax and then eventually fall asleep...
Maybe I should keep a bottle of wine in the cellar instead...
- My laptop
- My Simon and Garfunkel collection
- Some old photos
- My cell phone
- Some saved sms-es
- A Novel on Einstein's Entanglement theory...
It took a combination of a heavy dose of the above to get me to relax and then eventually fall asleep...
Maybe I should keep a bottle of wine in the cellar instead...
I'm not 'deep'...
... I'm really not..
I can fool people sometimes.. maybe.. into thinking that I'm 'deep'
At best I make some observations about humankind...
I have a tendency to exaggerate whenever I'm in a bad mood...
I make it sound like its the end of my life...
I bounce back .. usually within 24 hours...
Or it takes me a good movie.. or an episode of Seinfeld...
But I think 'deep' people are more romantic.. I'm jealous of them..
Things happen to them.. or they've had.... difficult childhoods.. or overbearing parents.. or close ones who've died of cancer.. or lovers who have cheated on them..
But they've come out of it... still strong..
It makes you 'feel' for them.. you feel sorry for them... you weep at their vulnerability.. you feel proud for when they re-emerge taking stock of their lives again...
Nothing like that happens to me... I grew up fine.. my parents were pretty much in the middle of the normality-spectrum... No one I really love has died of any horrible disease or in an accident.. No one I loved has ever cheated on me...
I have my bouts of mild depression... They are generally triggered by something quite insignificant... I'd never get any sympathy if I told someone about it..
I'm like... Regular Coke... life is very run-of-the-mill for me..
So please don feel sorry for me... even if I crave for your attention sometimes..
I can fool people sometimes.. maybe.. into thinking that I'm 'deep'
At best I make some observations about humankind...
I have a tendency to exaggerate whenever I'm in a bad mood...
I make it sound like its the end of my life...
I bounce back .. usually within 24 hours...
Or it takes me a good movie.. or an episode of Seinfeld...
But I think 'deep' people are more romantic.. I'm jealous of them..
Things happen to them.. or they've had.... difficult childhoods.. or overbearing parents.. or close ones who've died of cancer.. or lovers who have cheated on them..
But they've come out of it... still strong..
It makes you 'feel' for them.. you feel sorry for them... you weep at their vulnerability.. you feel proud for when they re-emerge taking stock of their lives again...
Nothing like that happens to me... I grew up fine.. my parents were pretty much in the middle of the normality-spectrum... No one I really love has died of any horrible disease or in an accident.. No one I loved has ever cheated on me...
I have my bouts of mild depression... They are generally triggered by something quite insignificant... I'd never get any sympathy if I told someone about it..
I'm like... Regular Coke... life is very run-of-the-mill for me..
So please don feel sorry for me... even if I crave for your attention sometimes..
She's perfect...
... you think...
Beautiful dark brown eyes... complexion looks flawless...
Maybe she's wearing make-up.. but it looks so natural.. you can't tell...
Her brown locks fall perfectly on her shoulders... her eyelashes are thick as she bats them at just the right moment...
Her teeth aren't all straight.. some of them are crooked and they overlap.. but that just adds more charm to her smile...
She's dressed perfectly.. white satin top.. with a dark blue skirt... How can she walk so gracely in those high heels...
She's perfect you think... yer in love with her...
-
She's just getting out of bed to get some water.. her throat hurts like hell... she hasn't been out of her room the whole weekend... She limps a little as she drags her blanket with her to the kitchen...
She's wearing unironed white shorts that are three sizes too big for her.. She was to get her legs waxed this weekend.. but she's out sick.. so there's this unseemly stubble on her exposed legs.. She's wearing an oversized shirt with white and orange checks all buttoned up till the top...
Eyebrows are unmade... she always gets this pimple on the left side of her forehead "that time of the month"...
Her curly hair always gets unbearably difficult to handle if she doesn't wash it every second day..
If you still think she's perfect... then maybe you are...
Beautiful dark brown eyes... complexion looks flawless...
Maybe she's wearing make-up.. but it looks so natural.. you can't tell...
Her brown locks fall perfectly on her shoulders... her eyelashes are thick as she bats them at just the right moment...
Her teeth aren't all straight.. some of them are crooked and they overlap.. but that just adds more charm to her smile...
She's dressed perfectly.. white satin top.. with a dark blue skirt... How can she walk so gracely in those high heels...
She's perfect you think... yer in love with her...
-
She's just getting out of bed to get some water.. her throat hurts like hell... she hasn't been out of her room the whole weekend... She limps a little as she drags her blanket with her to the kitchen...
She's wearing unironed white shorts that are three sizes too big for her.. She was to get her legs waxed this weekend.. but she's out sick.. so there's this unseemly stubble on her exposed legs.. She's wearing an oversized shirt with white and orange checks all buttoned up till the top...
Eyebrows are unmade... she always gets this pimple on the left side of her forehead "that time of the month"...
Her curly hair always gets unbearably difficult to handle if she doesn't wash it every second day..
If you still think she's perfect... then maybe you are...
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Confession...
I read your diary once..
Well.. it wasn't really a diary.. more like a notepad ...
You weren't trying to hide it from me.. but it wasn't meant for me either...
I know I wasn't supposed to.. But I knew you'd never find out if I didn't tell you...
So one day.. when I walked past it.. not once .. not twice.. but three times...
And I saw it lying there..
I had seen you scribbling in it before..
I picked it up.. and flipped through it..
I found a part of you...
You'd shared a bit of it once with me.. but then..
I remember.. I couldn't express what I felt.. and so you didn't think I deserve to share any more..
But I've had a glimpse at a part of you.. through it..
Not just then.. but afterwards too.. not in the same diary.. at other places..
Where sometimes I feel I'm not meant to be..
So this is a confession...
No.. I don't feel sorry..
but I hate keeping secrets.. from you...
Well.. it wasn't really a diary.. more like a notepad ...
You weren't trying to hide it from me.. but it wasn't meant for me either...
I know I wasn't supposed to.. But I knew you'd never find out if I didn't tell you...
So one day.. when I walked past it.. not once .. not twice.. but three times...
And I saw it lying there..
I had seen you scribbling in it before..
I picked it up.. and flipped through it..
I found a part of you...
You'd shared a bit of it once with me.. but then..
I remember.. I couldn't express what I felt.. and so you didn't think I deserve to share any more..
But I've had a glimpse at a part of you.. through it..
Not just then.. but afterwards too.. not in the same diary.. at other places..
Where sometimes I feel I'm not meant to be..
So this is a confession...
No.. I don't feel sorry..
but I hate keeping secrets.. from you...
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Jus one of dem days....
:(
When my plans again seem to have car-crashed...
Its not easy being an adult incharge of making/ruining your own life and lives of people you love...
Its a huge responsibility...and it SUCKS when you are clueless....
If I weren't an atheist.. I'd say God will show me the way...
But... I know I have to figure this one out on my own...
:(
Gotta stay strong...
-me
********
Just figured that.. thinking about Hardware Accelerators..or DMAs doesn't really take yer mind off the real problems in yer life...
:-/
ps: Ok.. I guess I'm exaggerating.. no one died.. I don have cancer.. and I din lose my job..
When my plans again seem to have car-crashed...
Its not easy being an adult incharge of making/ruining your own life and lives of people you love...
Its a huge responsibility...and it SUCKS when you are clueless....
If I weren't an atheist.. I'd say God will show me the way...
But... I know I have to figure this one out on my own...
:(
Gotta stay strong...
-me
********
Just figured that.. thinking about Hardware Accelerators..or DMAs doesn't really take yer mind off the real problems in yer life...
:-/
ps: Ok.. I guess I'm exaggerating.. no one died.. I don have cancer.. and I din lose my job..
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Back on the topic of tombstones...
.. I remembered my previous post on tombstones (http://thecasualintellectual.blogspot.com/2005/11/my-tombstone.html) and I decided that this is what my "significant OTHER"'s tombstone is gonna read...
"I did what SHE wanted" !!
"I did what SHE wanted" !!
Monday, January 09, 2006
There's this dude who looks like a dude I know....
... and the reason I'm blogging about it "today" is coz I saw him outside of my work place for the first time today !! At a place where half-of-this-city shows up every weekend...
But anyway.. getting back to this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know...
I noticed this guy pretty soon after I joined work... He stands out... I think he's like 6'5"or so.. has long hair.. big chin+jaw... so.. whatever.. he stands out !!
But the reason I noticed him... is coz he looks like-this-dude-I-know..
Now I'm a friendly person... I smile a lot at people... its jus something I do...
but this guy isn't that type..and that's ok.. coz a lot of people are like that !!
So this is what happens.. everytime I pass him in the hall... or in the cafeteria.. I just have this urge to peer at his face and think to myself... "DAMN..he looks-like-this-dude-I-know" !! Now no one ELSE at my workplace .. knows this-dude-I-know.. so I can't really discuss this eerie fact with anyone else..
Maybe its all the keeping-to-myself bit that has got me trapped... but I just can't help staring at him.. EVERY SINGLE TIME I pass him by.
So this guy (as I mentioned before) is MUCH taller than the average male software engineer.. and I'm barely average height.. With the result that... whenever I cock my head to catch a glimpse of him... he cleanly notices it !! Now I'd smile if he would... but he doesn't.. so...
And since I've done the peering-bit on more than one occasion.. I think he has gotten some vewy vewy wwong ideas about my noble intentions... He thinx I have a wittle cwush on him...
I can tell by the way he smoothly looks away everytime our gaze meets...
Now I COULD solve this little issue by "pretending" to not notice the 6 foot 5 inch frame of this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know...
but I couldn't care less about what he thinks.. and I enjoy acknowledging the uncanny resemblance way too much to stop it...
:)
So its a fun activity every day at lunch... I look around.. till I catch sight of this dude.. and eventually he looks in my direction... catches me looking at him... and quickly turns his head away..
So a couple of weeks ago... for the first time since I've noticed this guy.. I caught this guy staring at me... (maybe i was looking REALLY hot that day or something .. :P) and I totally got the feeling that if I smile and stop today.. I could get to know this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know.. coz he totally seemed to want to stop and talk (I gather facts like these from the time-duration of eye contact they make with me..and other things that I'll mention in some other blog some day).. I knew I could stop today.. and talk to him... maybe even hTELL him..that he looks like this-dude-I-know... Hence putting an end to the everyday-awkwardness etc...
But here's the irony.. I was TOTALLY in a rush that day..
I was off to meet this-dude-I-know .. yup..and this is actually the DUDE.. who the dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know ACTUALLY looks like !!...
And I was bloody late.. So NATURALLY I had no interest in stopping and talking... and I didn't...
After that day... we're back to the same awkward glance-and-stare situation that we were at before..
g'nite,
me
But anyway.. getting back to this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know...
I noticed this guy pretty soon after I joined work... He stands out... I think he's like 6'5"or so.. has long hair.. big chin+jaw... so.. whatever.. he stands out !!
But the reason I noticed him... is coz he looks like-this-dude-I-know..
Now I'm a friendly person... I smile a lot at people... its jus something I do...
but this guy isn't that type..and that's ok.. coz a lot of people are like that !!
So this is what happens.. everytime I pass him in the hall... or in the cafeteria.. I just have this urge to peer at his face and think to myself... "DAMN..he looks-like-this-dude-I-know" !! Now no one ELSE at my workplace .. knows this-dude-I-know.. so I can't really discuss this eerie fact with anyone else..
Maybe its all the keeping-to-myself bit that has got me trapped... but I just can't help staring at him.. EVERY SINGLE TIME I pass him by.
So this guy (as I mentioned before) is MUCH taller than the average male software engineer.. and I'm barely average height.. With the result that... whenever I cock my head to catch a glimpse of him... he cleanly notices it !! Now I'd smile if he would... but he doesn't.. so...
And since I've done the peering-bit on more than one occasion.. I think he has gotten some vewy vewy wwong ideas about my noble intentions... He thinx I have a wittle cwush on him...
I can tell by the way he smoothly looks away everytime our gaze meets...
Now I COULD solve this little issue by "pretending" to not notice the 6 foot 5 inch frame of this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know...
but I couldn't care less about what he thinks.. and I enjoy acknowledging the uncanny resemblance way too much to stop it...
:)
So its a fun activity every day at lunch... I look around.. till I catch sight of this dude.. and eventually he looks in my direction... catches me looking at him... and quickly turns his head away..
So a couple of weeks ago... for the first time since I've noticed this guy.. I caught this guy staring at me... (maybe i was looking REALLY hot that day or something .. :P) and I totally got the feeling that if I smile and stop today.. I could get to know this dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know.. coz he totally seemed to want to stop and talk (I gather facts like these from the time-duration of eye contact they make with me..and other things that I'll mention in some other blog some day).. I knew I could stop today.. and talk to him... maybe even hTELL him..that he looks like this-dude-I-know... Hence putting an end to the everyday-awkwardness etc...
But here's the irony.. I was TOTALLY in a rush that day..
I was off to meet this-dude-I-know .. yup..and this is actually the DUDE.. who the dude-who-looks-like-this-dude-I-know ACTUALLY looks like !!...
And I was bloody late.. So NATURALLY I had no interest in stopping and talking... and I didn't...
After that day... we're back to the same awkward glance-and-stare situation that we were at before..
g'nite,
me
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Sometimes I have "Transparent Dreams"...
... I can't think of any other way to describe them...
They are dreams.. but I see through them... they're transparent...
I lie on my bed.. and I close my eyes.. it doesn't seem like I am asleep.. I keep getting up.. but not with a start..
I get up sometimes because of a noise that distracts me.. also at other times..when I have reached a logical conclusion of one of my transparent dreams...
Then I close my eyes again..and they start..again....
They are more logical and REAL than regular dreams..coz you see.. I'm basically awake.. I KNOW I'm.. dreaming (well..kind of !!)
But they aren't really dreams..they are actually THOUGHTS... rushing through my head... at an ENORMOUS speed....
And not abstract thoughts.. they are well formed thoughts.. verbal... so everytime I close my eyes I can "hear" these thoughts about various things going on in my life... gushing out of my brain at the speed-of-lite !!
And one would think I'd be tired after a nite like that.. but hey.. its 8:15.. and I just finished work...
So...
They are dreams.. but I see through them... they're transparent...
I lie on my bed.. and I close my eyes.. it doesn't seem like I am asleep.. I keep getting up.. but not with a start..
I get up sometimes because of a noise that distracts me.. also at other times..when I have reached a logical conclusion of one of my transparent dreams...
Then I close my eyes again..and they start..again....
They are more logical and REAL than regular dreams..coz you see.. I'm basically awake.. I KNOW I'm.. dreaming (well..kind of !!)
But they aren't really dreams..they are actually THOUGHTS... rushing through my head... at an ENORMOUS speed....
And not abstract thoughts.. they are well formed thoughts.. verbal... so everytime I close my eyes I can "hear" these thoughts about various things going on in my life... gushing out of my brain at the speed-of-lite !!
And one would think I'd be tired after a nite like that.. but hey.. its 8:15.. and I just finished work...
So...
What song/movie is this from....
"... I'm not trying to seduce you... Would you like me to seduce you ?"
It sounds familiar..but not quite !
I made some resolutions a couple of days ago... now I barely remember them...
- Have to start going to the gym
- Have to learn one new thing
- Have to get better at one thing I already know
And other non-ambitious stuff like that :P
I live for... (in no particular order)
- Food
- My friends
- Seinfeld
- Boyz
- Good music
- Good movies
- Bad movies
- Dancing
- Food
- My family
- x boyfriends
- Memories
- Money
- Food
- Good night's sleep
- Some good luvin
- Seinfeld
It sounds familiar..but not quite !
I made some resolutions a couple of days ago... now I barely remember them...
- Have to start going to the gym
- Have to learn one new thing
- Have to get better at one thing I already know
And other non-ambitious stuff like that :P
I live for... (in no particular order)
- Food
- My friends
- Seinfeld
- Boyz
- Good music
- Good movies
- Bad movies
- Dancing
- Food
- My family
- x boyfriends
- Memories
- Money
- Food
- Good night's sleep
- Some good luvin
- Seinfeld
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
So stuff kept me occupied last week...
... I did some stuff I haven't done in a while...
- Got Mehendi on both my hands..and kept it till the next day
- Also got some done over my burnt hand.. so it'd hide the marks.. :-/
- Wore a saree..and (ahem...) didn't look too bad in it ;)
- Did my make-up all by MYSELF !!
- Got mistaken for the bride's sister at my friend's wedding... by several people
Now I thought this was coz I was looking so hot... but then I realized it was coz the bride's neice was hanging from me like a lil Monkey almost the entire time at the wedding (siggggh !!) So junta probably mistook me for the Monkey's mom !
- Didn't really flirt with anyone
- Didn't overeat
- Witnessed a "kabool hai kabool hai kabool hai" Nikah for the first time.. it was interesting...
- And other stuff.. that suddenly sounds too boring for me to mention...
- Got Mehendi on both my hands..and kept it till the next day
- Also got some done over my burnt hand.. so it'd hide the marks.. :-/
- Wore a saree..and (ahem...) didn't look too bad in it ;)
- Did my make-up all by MYSELF !!
- Got mistaken for the bride's sister at my friend's wedding... by several people
Now I thought this was coz I was looking so hot... but then I realized it was coz the bride's neice was hanging from me like a lil Monkey almost the entire time at the wedding (siggggh !!) So junta probably mistook me for the Monkey's mom !
- Didn't really flirt with anyone
- Didn't overeat
- Witnessed a "kabool hai kabool hai kabool hai" Nikah for the first time.. it was interesting...
- And other stuff.. that suddenly sounds too boring for me to mention...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)