Diary Twenty Seven

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ps: Sometmes I feel I wanna break down and cry....
Nowhere to go .. nothing to do with my life...
I get lonely... oh so lonely....
Living on my own.. my own... my own...

Sometimes I feel I'm always walking too fast
And everything is coming down on me down on me
I go crazy oh so crazy living on my own

- Freddie Mercury (Livin' on my own)

Diary Twenty Six

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ps: Bulla ki jaanaa mein kon..

Diary Twenty Five

... Since there is no such thing as "Final"...


...I'll jus call this one.. the "countdown"....



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Diary Twenty Four

So.. looks like he's going somewhere to do his MS or something..

I tried my best not to over-hear him... but .. I dunno I run into him quite often nowadays... I saw him on the weekend as well ..

I'll miss him when he's gone.... I hope its soon !!

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So I'm having a fight with someone.. and I KNOW its not my fault.. and I KNOW he's being unreasonable..
And whenever that happens with me.. I have this uncontrollable urge to inform the other party of the same...
But sometimes its jus best to "Let it be... let it be.. let it be.. "

I'm kinda fighting with him "over a gal".. :))

Hahah.. back to school fer me ! :P


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Its weird.. yesterday I was in a "I forgive the WORLD" kinda mood.. totally chilled out and relaxed and happy... HYPER almost..

And I dunno.. I think it started last nite itself.. but its been all downhill from then on...

I gonna learn to not let "every other person" dictate how I'm feeling...
yup.. F*** em all !!

:P

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BURNT my toast writing this blog :(


But this is IMPORTANT.. ANOTHER THING I gotta do.. is STOP trying to be accepted and "get along" with that gang..

I mean I've gone to the extent of ACTING UNCOOL to FIT IN with this bunch of losers...

But NOT ANY MORE.. SCREW EM ALL !!

I found meself some half decent music.. I don need no one else....
I'm gonna head out of work as SOON as I can escape outa there !!

F***in bunch of LOSERS !!


X-(


-me
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My life right now...

Have Maggi Mushroom soup and whole wheat bread with butter... listening to CHOPIN.. and reading blogs I had categorically sworn off of !!

:(

Why does "HOLLYWOOD" make.. being ALONE seem so kewl ?

I NEED A TEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!

:((

No no no.. no more SELF PITTTY !!

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:(
I can't seem to send out sms-es tonite...

I think I'm jus gonna go sleep.. so that this day ends .. else its jus getting worse...

:(

g'nite absent audience...

Diary Twenty Three

It's been a while...


Well.. nothing much worth mentioning happened... and I've been a little busy with work and after-work stuff...

So there's this guy at work... kinda cute looking..but no dream-boy.. He was one of the first few people at my workplace that I kinda started recognizing and wishing whenever I'd pass him in the hallway..
--- Well there's some history here.. he recognized me at a movie theatre coz he'd seen me at work during my first week... so that's how we kinda got introduced. I have no idea what his name is.. and I'm sure he's forgotten mine too...--end of history--

So here's the thing... its the way he wishes me... He always does it in the exact same manner.. I mean.. he gestures with his head very slowly while maintaining full eye contact with me.. till the time he has passed ahead of me... and he has this serene smile on his face..
The smile seems to say we know each other very well... which ofcourse.. is completely ridiculous...

He dresses up in very similar clothes every day.. he wears a white or some other light colored shirt.. mostly with half sleeves.. and a half sleeves black sweater on it... He stands out coz of the way he dresses... he's average height.. has a lot of hair on his head and a tiny goatee.. straight eyebrows...

I don think I've ever heard him speak.. I actually don't even want to ..
I have no intention of trying to talk to him or get his attention or have more of a relationship with him than I have right now.. But what's weird... is that I look forward to meeting him in the hallway everyday..

And no... its not a crush...

*********************************************************

So I'm listening to "Tera te Mera" on repeat.. downloaded it recently...
Agenda for the weekend.. buy a tv... watch a movie.. James/Chocolate/Cinderalla Man/Kal ... Catch up with some old friends.. and get some well deserved rest..

While we're on that topic... z.....zz..z.z.z.z.z.z... I think its time to hit the sack....


-me


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" taane dendi e chaanani... "
:))


I think I'll stay young till small things like these.. make me happy... The day I stop noticing the small stupid stuff I enjoy so much... I'm gonna be "OLD"

Hope that's still a while away..

Although attending a talk on Tax Saving and Smart Investment today... made me feel a lil more "mature" ;)

Diary Twenty Two

If the auto-walaas in Bangalore "mysteriously" start getting murdered...
Its gonna be me..
Had the worst experience just 10 minutes after getting out of the airport in Bangalore... and that's it.. all my excitement of coming back "home"...
Poooof.....
Aww Gawn !!

I can never call this city "home".. I hate too much about it...
Its just a case of Mass-MisManagement !!

I wish some companies would jus MOVE out of here.. to some other places.. and I'm SURE people will just follow !!

But talking about home... I really don't feel at home ANYWHERE any more... its not Bangalore for SURE... I love Mumbai.. but then that's my parents' place now... its not exactly my "home"... The last time I felt at home was before July 2003 in Maryland.. but that's history now...
Sometimes Santa Barbara.. #6689 El Colegio seems "homely"... but naah... not home...
Damn.. I never thought I'd feel so "homeless"..

Also.. I've decided that I'm not gonna settle down.. I don even like those kind of questions...
"So.. are you planning to buy a house here ? When are you going to buy the house ? Where are you going to settle down ?" blah blah blah !!

I'm NOT going to settle down.. thinking of settling down 'scares' me.. It makes me feel like I'm being tied down to some place/some thing.. I don want that..
I wanna stay at some place only till/if I like it.. and then move to another place if I feel like it !!

So even if I buy a place in Bangalore... it'll be as "investment".. it WON'T be coz I wanna settle DOWN here..or ANYWHERE for that matter...

highly unsettled,
me

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I'm having trouble sleeping...


I think I've gotten too used to sleeping with the tv on... BBC... well BBC because the tv would default to that channel everytime I switched it on...

And now back home.. no tv.. and nothing to read either..... (deeeep siiiigh !!)...

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I may be bad at remembering dates... but I have ways of remembering some days...
March 6th....


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Saw Salaam Namaste today... s|n ... if you see this "ulta" it reads "u|s" ...
So the movie wasn't keeping me THAT engrossed.. else I wouldn'ta noticed this stuff...

So Bangalore times gave it a 3.5 and Mumbai times gave it a 2.5 yesterday..
Now being a true Mumbaiite... I'm gonna go with 2.5 !! ;)

So here's the thing...
Saif's acting was ok... his style seemed a lil too reminiscent of KHNH..
But he DID manage to have the audience in splits sometimes..

Zinta.. hmmm... she didn't look hot to me.. and her acting.. well.. I think she does the freaked-out,angry,sad,screeching roles better than comedy. She needs a better director to control her "over-acting"...

J.Jaffery was funny... funnier in the first half.. a lil repititive in the second half...

The movie's story.. was good at times... ok at times.. and really really dragging in the middle. The songs were mostly misplaced and pointless...

Some of the outtakes were funnier than the movie..

But I had fun... I'm too much of a movie freak to not have fun.. plus people around me were REALLY enjoying themselves... and too many cell phones didn't go off during the movie... that's always good !!

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Ganpati Bappa.. Moreya... Pudchya varshi.. Laukar Ya !!
:)

Diary Twenty One

Yup... that's it.. that's all I can count in Roman Numz...

So when they say.. "She's doing very well.. ".. or "He has an amazing job.."
All they are sayin is that he rakes in twice the moolah that you do, though you are twice as qualified..

It has NOTHING to do with what he does..
He might be cleaning the shit in other people's toilets and still be doing "very well" in some people's opinions..
X-(
YES it makes me mad.. makes me mad.. makes me mad... makes me MAD...

Coz I'm TRYING my darndest BEST to be one of those people who are satisfied with what they make.... coz otherwise its just a never ending rat race... but people around don make it too easy !!

Ah darn it, I guess I'm jus pissed that MICRO-F***-SOFT is offering freshers more than TWICE of what I make... to do TESTING !!

Diary XX

So I know what he does...
He works on making widely tunable umm... wait.. its monolithic widely tunable umm.. was it lasers ?... no... but its optical packets in InP .. and its for 40Gbps and 10Gbps payloads...

Ok... so I have NO idea what he does..

-me

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So I read the paper...

Ok ok.. I jus got through paragraph-one of the ABSTRACT...

But there's something called optical labeling..and the point is to keep the payload optical at the input and output... and not.. um... convert it (to electrical signals ??!!) ? while you route it ?
Or something like that anyway...

That stuff sux man.. SIMULATORS are wayyyy cooler :))

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Writing this thing is ACTUALLY like talking to oneself... (I gotta take care of the spelling though.. )
Its good when there's no one around or "willing" or free to listen to me...

I promised myself I won't start singing the "Mr. Lonely" song again... so I won't.. even THOUGH... this is the PERFECT situation for it...
Sitting in the lounge of the hotel... alone... with only this uncle in front of me biting his nails.. staring at the bunch of girls who jus came in... for dinner at the Kabaab Factory...

Got to locate the 3 hot guys who were heading for the gym... and make sure I have dinner at the same restaurant as them..

-me
ps:Naah.. m gonna order a sandwich in room-service.. eating alone isn't as much as fun as it used to be....

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Diary XIX

Well...he's getting married...
He's the last of what our "gang" was.. and if it weren't for him getting married.. I'd be the last one to have proverbially "bitten the dust"...

And I'm happy for him... he sounded so happy today.. it made me happy..

Even though he woke me up at SEVEN THIRTY AM ... which is a big no-no as far as I'm concerned !!

But I'm happy he's happy !!

-me
happy-singh

Diary XVIII

I dunno what it is with me and bad haircuts....


Hmm.. but maybe its not really the haircut... its jus me... and the secret fantasy I harbor everytime.. that when I get out of a salon after a haircut... I'll look like a SUPERMODEL.. out of VOGUE or something....

(a.k.a. Jassi ??!! hahaha.. that reminds me of a.. uh.. actually TWO friends of mine.. who've compared me to Jassi.. mebbe its the specs..and the all-famous "yellow suit" that's been part of my wardrobe ever since I can remember.. )

So no supermodel stuff here... jus plain 'ol me.. with slightly shorter hair..

Schwarzkopf... my ASS !!!

X-(


-me
ps: and NO respect for money... NONE !!


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How can I make you stop...

How can I make you not leave....

Tears... diluted

Words... meaningless

Demands... unreasonable

Complaints... too trite



Dedicated to those... who've left... and those.. who might..


not-a-poet,
me

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The Moral: NEVER blog past 2 am !!

-me


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I can hear the crows crowing...

When my sis was around 6 I think... she used to say.. that when she can't sleep ... she just lies in bed waiting to hear the crows crow.. and as soon as she did.. she'd feel sleepy...

I'm gonna try the same...

G'nite absent audience...

Diary XVII

Things I miss (in no particular order):

The pond and the hill (that we used to call lake and mountain respectively) behind AEJC...

Chamko..

Playing bluff in the afternoons in the corridor of the building

Kailas...

Eating Omwich sandwiches at 7-11

Drives on the beltway..

Taking that road alongside the Potomac whenever I got lost...

1.5 hr long T-breaks with the office gang...

Copying assignments while singing songs in college

Preparing for Dumb-Cees after classes

Taking infinitely long walks in A'nagar with my best friend....