Diary XVI

... I realized.. I don't really have a dream...
There are a lot of things I want in life.. and a lot MORE that I "think" I want...
I want to figure out some I'm sure I want.. and then resolve to do something EVERYDAY to inch towards it...

I may not achieve it in time.. or at ALL..... but if its something good.. I'm sure the journey itself will be the reward...

philosophical,
me

Diary XV

So first I get a 175-rupee manicure... and then I decide to cut off my nice shaped-cleaned-buffed-filed-polished nails...

My Dad is right.. I have NO RESPECT for money...

--------------------

Saw "The Interpreter" again... and since I was watching it for the second time... did a lot of random thinking as well..
-- like they could never make a movie like this in Hindi.. where the perfectly good-looking hero and heroine spend so many vulnerable moments together but don't end up getting married or having a "Roop tera mastaaana" sequence
(though with the recent spate of "Hat Ke" hindi movies.. I AM beginning to accord more credit to bollywood !!)
-- like I noticed that on Sunday nights.. there are more "couples" at the movies than other shows on the weekend...
-- like women in the theatre do a lot of "looking around" at other women for time pass.. :)

Diary XIV

You know how people... think about really deep stuff when they spend a lot of time alone...
When time spent by yourself is like an inward glance into your soul....
When no one else is around to communicate with you... you communicate with yourself and learn so many things that you never knew about yourself....

Well... doesn't happen with me.. nope.... nothing.. nada !!

X-(

Diary XIII

I think I made a friend today... a female friend..
:)

Its been a while...
Hope this works out...

Diary XII

There's a blogger I'm jealous of.. but I won't tell ANYONE who it is... or why....

-me
ps: I better start using some other form of numeric notation for my Diary entries, don't think I know the Roman Notation beyond nineteen !!
pps: Dinno Disprin was banned.. yesterday I asked someone for one.. and he gave me this SHOCKED look and whispered .. ever so quietly... "but.. isn't that BANNED".. had to explain to him that I didn't really want it for any other purpose cept to drive my headache away.. ANY medicine would do !! (sheesh)
ppps: Dunno anyone else who has (ppp)ps-es longer than their blogs !!
pppps: I think I act really weird when I'm not well..

Diary XI

You know how in the movies.. its always so romantic when the heroine falls sick... and then the hero looks after her... hot soup, blanket and what not...

WELL IT AIN'T THAT HOT IN REAL LIFE... X-(
ya ya... I know I'm no heroine... but it seriously sucks man...
stuffed nose... nagging headache.. and that garam-garam feeling... although yer dying to get into a blanket coz yer hands and feet are COLD !!

I'mna go to bed now.. probably no updates till next week...

All my love to my absent audience..

My Wife's Murder... Recommended

Recommended "viewing" I mean...

Good movie...
Not one of those that have a moral etc.. but one of those "Is raat ki subah nahee"-type focussed movies... revolving around an incident...

Good strong cast... in fact.. everyone has acted so well in the movie.. right from Anil Kapoor and Ms. Krishnamoorthy-Kapoor .. to the kids... to the woman playing the maid... so much so that.. Boman Irani's talent paled in comparison to the rest..

But full marks to Anil Kapoor... I'd say after "Woh Saat Din".. this is the only other movie I've seen.. that manages to COMPLETELY exploit this guy's potential... He plays his character with absolute subtlety and does a brilliant job expressing all emotions right from indifference,frustration, to overwhelming gratitude and towards the end... desperate helplessness...

The movie keeps on its track without any distractions...
It DID lose pace in the middle... and theatre audiences were getting restless... the climax got a little hard-to-believe... but I think they managed to bring it back on track with the ending.

I don't know why they want to send movies like "Mangal Pandey" to the Oscars when they have actual gems like this one...
I'm not saying that this is good enough to win an OSCAR, but it IS among the best that we have this year...

Diary X

So it starts suddenly... sometimes I'm jus sitting somewhere.. watching tv or something.... sometimes I'm standing.. that's when its worse...
I feel it coming on slowly... my hands start to go cold... and my eyes.. lose focus.. It seems like I'm actually seeing the world at a much lower resolution than usual...
My brain functions very normally otherwise.... I feel like I hear voices more clearly etc... but my arm... its generally my left arm first... goes numb. I can see it.. but I can't feel it completely.. I can even move it.. but... weirdly.. it still feels numb... my right eye generally waters after this...
This discomfort lasts from anything between one to fifteen minutes... then slowly goes away.. leaving behind a splitting headache as a reminder...

No no... I'm not saying that its worse than labor pains or migraine... its jus that... in case its a brain tumor...and I decide to write an autobiography... maybe it'll help to have some material ready frm the early-days


Hallmark-true-story-movies... here I come !!

Diary IX

You know what sucks...
- when the jeans you bought yesterday.. that you thought made you look so HOT... don't fit right at the waist.. are too long fer you... and have acid wash rips
- when yer plan to come to office early flops coz you spend twenty minutes in the morning.. staring at yourself in yer new jeans.. wondering WHAT THE HECK is wrong with them...
- when the TINIEST of surprises you had planned for someone... flops right before your own eyes..

:(

Oh well.. not a good start to the day...

Diary VIII

La la la la.. la la...
la la la la... la la..
la la.. LA LA LA Johnyyy...
la la la la... la la

:)

*****************************

Diary VII

MUMBAI

The city has its problems... and GOD knows lately, it has had MORE than its share....

But you know... despite all that... the city is REAL.. it has SOUL..its a REAL city.... not some "wannabe" like the one I'm livin in rite now
Driving on the roads of Mumbai... early morning toward the airport.. made me fall in love with it.. all over again..
Before I left it.. I had no idea I'd miss it that much... or how PROUD I'd be .. to be a Mumbaiite..

So soon after Indy day.. one would think I'd be writing patriotic stuff about how I'm proud to be an Indian...
oh well...

**************
There's a place.. for us.. you know.. in the movies somewhere..
When you gonna realize.. that its just that the time was wrong...
Juliet....

A love struck Romeo..

**************

I want to watch "Dil Se" again..
No.. not for Shah Rukh Khan.. just for.. Ae Ajnabi..
That "Paakhi paakhi pardesi " part is so haunting...

**************

Diary VI

.. So one good thing about the women in my team... I mean.. they're not "overtly friendly".. but one common thing among them.. they're ALL extremely forthright, upfront and reasonably aggresive..
There is no "yes sir yes sir" business with them.. they speak their mind.. and they know what they are talking about !!

MORE Power to them !!

Diary V

... Saw a physio-therapist today.. who told me he had 3000 software engineers as patients.. with similar back/neck ailments... all young (?) people between 25-35...

This is really crazy... I don't remember my folks complaning of back trouble till they were atLEAST forty-plus..

So making-lots-of-money is not the ONLY reason this generation is goin in for "early retirement"..

:-/

Annnyway... now I have DOCTOR'S ORDERS to start going to the gym.. AFTER my back is back-in-shape that is !

---

Sometimes... the things that you find really exciting about someone during the initial interactions... completely lose their charm after a while.. in some cases they even become irritants...

But sometimes... when you get to really know a person.... you get an opportunity to discover their special qualities.. some that you never knew existed !

So the moral of the story is... SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER !! That way you get to see the good, the bad and sometimes even the UGLY.. but alteast its the real deal !!

Diary IV

Sometimes.. people just disappear from your life... without warning...

I mean.. its not like I'm asking them to WARN me.. coz naturally.. if I had any such hint about their plans.. I'd DO something about it...
Wouldn't let them disappear for one..

But it happens.. I KNOW !
..coz it has happened to me more than just a couple of times...
... one minute they are around... they have time for you.. (you have time for them).. you check in with each other.. etc etc..
...and then one fine day.. you turn around.. and poof !! they're GONE !

You can still get in touch with them.. I mean.. du-uh !! technology !!... but the connection is lost..
Sometimes you get it back though... and its STILL as strong as it was when you disconnected... but .. not always..
And you can't even complain about it.. I mean what do you say right ?

It sux though... when they let go..and yer still hanging on...
Maybe the right thing to do is to keep hangin on... or maybe you should let go as well...
I dunno...

"Aap ke bagair hi..
je lenge hum.. isi tarah..
Door hi.. rehke you abse..
hum nibhayenge wafah..
Raaste .. jin par chale the
saath hum.. jo do kadam...
Unpar dikhenge.. na kabhi..
gar aapki .. hai ye razaa..

Ihtefaaq.. se agar..
mil bhi jayein.. hum kabhi..
Mod lena.. muh ki yu...
aapne.. dekha nahee..
Na koi.. gila na shikwa..
dil mein tere waaste..
Na koi.. dard hai ab...
ki ab alag hein.. raaste..."


Damn.. I think I need some food in me.. so I can get back to work...

Diary III

Its funny how my need to surround myself with people.. alternates with my need to distance myself from everyone ...

Review of Stealth

Stealth

A Politically Correct Hollywood movie about - the quintessential American Alpha male: complete with blue eyes, blond hair, dimples and an arrogant smirk, the ‘good christian’ black American.. who knows ALL about prime numbers… and guess who else.. a hot American “Chika”.. who besides being the best pilot in the class.. also possesses the distinction of cracking dialoges such as.. “Pardon my ‘C’-cup “ !!

Oh wait.. its not just about these three… there’s a fourth I dare not forget.. it’s the all-knowing.. all-(aritificially)-intelligent unmanned pilot system called EDI.. who after being struck by lightening.. downloads ALL the songs from the web and not so surprisingly develops FEELINGS !! First the enemy..then the friend… EDI manages to outwit our three pilots.. cuts off the boss on radio when his instructions don’t matter… and basically saves the day along with the hero and the heroine…

The black American.. of course dies.. The boss turns into a turncoat and the big guy in Washington is involved in the coup as well.. But to make sure the reputation of war-heroes is not tarnished… the boss kills himself and the Americans re-iterate that their enemies are (STILL) the Russians and North Korea..

And if you thought this completed your entertainment package.. WAIT !! There’s also an item number with our blue eyed boy and sexy C-cup chika in a bikini !!

So… “Would you like FRRRRIES with dat sir ??!!”

Diary II

.. ok slept a MARATHON 10pm - 8:30 am.. that's a RECORD for a weekday !!

Nothing to report as yet..

Ok.. so this new guy is being interviewed for our team.. and its so weird to hear these guys talking about him..
Not so long ago.. they were probably discussing ME... :O
Y'no.. they ALL know what all I know and what all I don't.. my intervie feedback.. Its not FAIR !! :)
Hmm... but it felt nice knowing that they sifted through LOTS of resume(s) and interviewed LOTS of people before they hired me...

The question of the day is... if I get an opportunity.. should I DANCE ??!!

Hmm....

Diary I

.. troubled sleep again tonite
Looks like this is gonna be the default title of all my "Diary " entries..
The maid came in at a TOTALLY ridiculous time.. at SEVEN A M, right in the middle of my REM period.

No thoughts troubling me today.. though I had a weird dream again.. I was writing an English exam, and I came in late..so I'm already behind..and to top it.. my BOSS is my exam supervisor.. and then I turn in my paper five minutes before time, only to realize that I haven't even LOOKED at the last page of questions... I finally build up the courage to take my paper back from him.. only to find my DAD having replaced my BOSS as the supervisor :-/

... annnnyway.. so maybe its a GOOD thing that the maid woke me up.. my dream was only getting SCARIER !!

Ok.. I'm gonna STOP now till I have something better to write...

AFFAIRS ON EMAIL...

.. Its strange how they can be more exciting than "live actual" ones.. In some sense they are harmless as well...
So its twice the fun and excitement with just half the risk..
.. The strange chemistry the you can develop.. solely on basis of witty exchanges.. hmmm....
.. Sweet Nostalgia ;)

PLs

.. I dunno if I want to become a manager or a PL.. its a glam position ( as far as this industry goes.. thats as GLAM as you get).. but it makes you lose weight.. if yer a GOOD supervisor that is !!

Diary

Thinking of converting this blog into a diary...

weird dreams tonite... had to get up early.. the dreams helped.. but I didn't want to get up early by not sleeping properly the night before..

anxiety.. needless anxiety.. over mostly insignificant things.. interspersed with moments of calm... mostly when having a cup of tea with friends.. or just before I sleep when I'm on the phone.. or holding my pillow really tight.. dunno if its the weather.. or the new blanket.. but something's helping me sleep a lot better...

plans.. made everyday everyhour.. but not one of them have I seen to completion.. like they say, you plan and you plan and you plan..and then life just comes and takes over.. and you plan again..

but I dance.. whenever I can..

again-a-novel.. I read it .. I couldn't stop reading it.. but once I reached the end.. it seemed so.. so typical.. and I hated the ending.. but something about that novel.. still bothers me..

the weird dreams are having a weird-affect on me today..