I'm beginning to believe...

... that too much alcohol DOES kill graycells...

Coz..
1. GOD knows I had too much on Tues nite
2. I must've banged my head/food/hand a thousand times Wednesday morning
3. I invited people over for dinner when I was in NO shape to cook
4. I thought I switched off the gas and sat down to do something else
5. After realizing that I had completely burnt the masala I was making... I STILL decided to add it to the chole (actually that wasnt really dumb.. I was in no haalat to make the damn thing again..)
6. I tried opening the cooker when the pressure still wasn't down... that also with one hand... ended up spilling a good amount of the steaming contents on meself and burnt my hand pretty bad.
7. Instead of putting my hand under Cold water immediately... I jus sat down and stared at it for FIVE minutes...

Well... you get the picture right ?

Actually... I did a couple of other stupider-things that I REALLY can't mention in blogworld :-/

In the words of...

..someone I know... (and the same someone that I met yesterday...)

"I'm happy because I'm glad.."

:)

Bringing in the new year.. by getting together with old friends.. and family...

Can't think of anything better...


Here's wishing a Happy New Year to my absent audience...

Cheers,
me

I'm trying to figure out...

.. (and its quite a bit of a puzzle actually..).. which movie was worse.. "Home Delivery" or "Neal 'n Nikki"...

Hmm.... So "Home Delivery" was a mash based on the spirit of Christmas at Diwali-time ( for the benefit of the majority of non-Christain audiences) communicated by a Santa Clausy half-retarded Delivery guy... Add to that a smart-alec dude with commitment issues with his nice-gal fiance' and his hot-sultry-teenage-fantasy makin the moves on him.. and you've got the PERFECT recipe for a..umm.. movie (??!!)..
A movie that Vivek Oberoi claimed... was for "Intelligent audiences only.." and hence didn't do well in India..

In the "blue" corner... we have 'Neal 'n Nikki'.. and this movie is about... a lipsticked-dude all set to enjoy his last month of freedom in Vancouver.. (remember 'Kajol' from DDLJ) before he ties the knot ... where he meets .. besides other really hot blonde bimbettes drooling over him (??!!).. a.. umm... not-so-hot-baby-talking-cleavage-showing-almost-slutty-virgin-Indian-BRUNETTE who first gets drunk.. asks him to take her to HIS place.. then falls asleep hence avoiding the inevitable make-out .. till the last twenty minutes of the movie.. Well after it eventually happens, and lil-Nikette comes back from a swim in her skimpy bikini.. Neal finally decides that this is ACTUALLY the kind of gal he wants to take home to Mummmyyy... I guess they thought they were trying to bring back the Kajol-SRK magic from DDLJ... ("Did not" "Did thoo.." "Did not.." "Did thoo..."...)... but somehow.. and I don mean to steal any credit from the new generation of actors... I STILL think I prefer Kajol to Uday Chopra... mebbe its just the shade of lipstick.. I dunno !


Now.. back to the BIG question... which one was worse...
hmm.... Maybe I should go see "BluffMaster" to help me decide...

What does it take....

... for people to just leave me ALONE !!

.. Its not like I DON'T KNOW my life isn't at its best... but why do I have to answer to other people...

Some of these 'other people' care.. and they ask out of concern... but what good is their 'concern' ?! I mean really... I don't expect them to DO anything for me... just don keep reminding me that my life isn't perfect right now...

That's all I ask... is that really too much to ask ?

And then there are these other 'other people'... who don't even care... they're jus curious...

I don need to answer to them... I'm just being polite by not telling them on their stinkin FACE to mind their own f***in business...

....

Y'no what completely kills a good cry.. its a blocked NOSE...


....

I don think Yoga.. Meditation.. or an 'Art of Living' course is gonna fix things for me... I'm not given to such 'fixing-ups'. M way too cynical...


....
week starts tomorrow... I gotta get back in action.... just gotta.. gotta GOTTA !!


-me

ps: nother problem.. is that I don like lying.. and too many people I know.. can't handle the truth...

No more I love you(s)

No more I love yous....
The language is leaving me...

No more I love yous...
The language is leaving me.. in silence...

(from: No more I love you(s) by Annie Lennox)

The number dwindles...

.. slowly... (I refer here.. to the number of people who visit my blog...)
And steadily this blog will pass into oblivion...


The weekend was... how shall I best put it.. uncomfortable...on the home-front and I was WAITING for Monday... and I absolutely despise Mondays..
Actually I've started despising them ever since I've joined this new work place.

I had no problems with Mondays at my earlier work place... which is mostly coz I inhabited that cube practically 7 days a week.. irrespective of whether I had work or not.

I used to consider THAT a sad way to live... But now I'm wondering...
I passed by it yesterday... my earlier work place... and damn.. Its not like I didn't KNOW that I missed it.. but THAT MUCH ?

Maybe I just belong to that species that prefer-the-green-of-the-grass-on-the-other-side...

Ho Hum...


*****************************************
The high point of my weekend.. was a trip to my pal's place.. to meet his significant other after a significantly long period of time.. and to acquaint myself with his bundle-of-joy.

Now.. I'm no baby-lover by nature.. things bore me way too easily, and I'm pretty low on patience..
But.. y'no.. I know why they refer to these things as "bundles of joy".. coz they really really are..

So tiny... so so tiny... yet she commanded complete attention of 6 adults..
While she gurgled and spat out the food her mother was so patiently trying to feed her.. and intently stared at us (probably wondering whether these IDIOTS have nothing better to do ??).. we all jus stood there.. transfixed...

I gotta thank me buddy for having me over.. for letting me hold her.. (though I had my concerns.. no no.. she was wearing a diaper and all dat... just that... I hadn't held a baby in a really long while.. and was.. well.. nervous but..) God knows.. once I did.. I didn't really wanna let go !

:)

Y'no what... now that I think of it.. the weekend wasn't that bad after ALL !!

Back to work...
ADIOS !

-me

Would you care if I BLOG ?

And if I don't..

would you just go the NEXT blog registered on blogspot ?
or would you link to a blog that I've linked in ?
or would you "Back" to the blog you came from ?

What would you do ?

Aap kya Karte ?

(hahaha.. on a off-note.. this reminds me of my favorite Ad that features before the 'feature presentation' at PVR.. "Aap kis tarah ke mard hein ?" hahahha.. )

So ya.. I may be back.. but I'm not sure yet !

-me

Learnings for today...

There are some people... who come into your life... and are destined to leave... just like that...
No matter how badly you want them to stay on... or how tightly you hold on to them... you can't make them stop....




---


Never kiss with tongue if yer kissing someone for the first time....
(unless you both PREFER it that way :-/ )

{Courtesy..some weirdo movies on Star Movies channel}

.... adios...

... on a short sabbatical from blogspace...

... get the feeling I've overdone it this week...


so... ADIOS !!


-me

I recognize 'attention-seekers'

Yup.. I recognize them... the open kinds.. and the subtle kinds as well....

I know how to ignore them too...

But I don't ... generally... coz its contrary to my nature... I don ignore.. UNLESS there's a point to IGNORING...

Its a good way to flirt actually... play the 'ignore' bit...

But I'm a lil too old..and opportunities to flirt... don come by so often anymore.. so I don ignore.. As a rule... I 'notice' and I make no secret of it !

People misinterpret my not-ignoring in different ways... but it doesn't really matter... coz most of these people don really matter...

Those who matter... eventually get me...
Actually I make sure they do :)

---

So I have(had) two friends...
Friend A: Good Percentage of Charm... Good percentage of Good-looks.. Not a high reading in the Brain dept
Friend B: Good percentage of Brain... Appreciable percentage of Good-looks.. Not so lucky on the Charm front...

Both ended up with smart, good looking "money-ed" spouses I hear...

I don remember why exactly I was thinking of this.. but... now I'm wondering about category Three... Good percentage of Charm.. same on the brain.. but.. not so high on the beauty...
Yupppp... I know people in Category III


---

Isn't it weird how ONE person can totally bring the mood of the house DOWN..
Even though I was in a perfectly fine mood when I got back... I'm already mopey today...

sucks man..

I feel like getting out of the house.. but its too cold.. and I got nowhere to go.. not really
:-/

Every rule has exceptions....

Hmmm... interesting statement this... Every rule has exceptions... ...
But is the above statement a "Rule" ??...and if it is... Does it have exceptions ?

I've thought about this... but I'm not the only one apparently... someone in google-space started talking about Gödel's Incompleteness Theorems while pondering on this topic...

But of course.. if yer not the kind who "Plays by the rules" anyway... then the above statement is pretty much cow-crap as far as you go...

-me

Blank.....

So umm... this... is actually the first pic I ever took with my digi-cam.. which is ANCIENT now.. (I mean the pic and the digi cam both..)...




This second pic is of the first car I ever owned... and during the time when I was in the process of selling it off... I used to have dreams about her...
Her name was Chamko... some Mechanic bought it for his son who goes to school at Virginia...
I wanted to gift this car to my daughter when she turned sixteen.. like in the movies... :)




In case yer wondering.. WHY I've put these up here today... well.. yer not the only one who's wondering... :-/


----

Ok so I thought a little more about it.. and I decided MAYBE I put this up..coz I have a lot of upload/download limit left on my account this month !!
You can't just use up 1GB checking email and reading BLOGS ya know...


----

Ok I'm tired.... mentally...
So I'm out...

g'nite.

----

oh oh oh... one more thing before I leave...

Y'no the thing Im happiest about this weekend... is that.. I finally bought an extension cord...
NOW I can have BOTH my vcd player and my modem up and running at the same time...
I have enough sockets at my apt.. but not enough pin adapters...
Its a lil complicated and boring... so I'm not going to explain any more rite now...

I have many more mind-boggling things to think about... like should I.. or should I NOT risk having tea at this hour....


arrrrgggghhhh...

no lku.. I'm NOT fucked up... YOU try writing whatever's going on in yer head.. naah.. you probably can't type that fast ;)

-me

I opine....

.. Its shameful (in my opinion..).. the way the crowd at Eden Gardens jeered the Indian team and supported S.A.
One of the commentators tried to laugh it off saying they are showing a lot of "spirit" cheering the opponents...
.. But it was shameful.. and all those people should be banished to.... umm.. I dunno... mebbe BANGLADESH !!

I LOVED the way the crowd cheered in Mumbai today..and I'm STILL in love with Dravid !
Today's match was a complete TREAT...
.....

Nothing else to report.. its already wayyy past my bedtime

g'nite absent audience,
me

My tombstone...

... I've already decided I don want to be cremated.. I'd much rather be buried... although most smart people whom I've shared this information with... invariably ask me why I care.. and I still don have a good-enuf answer for them...

I'm trying to think about what my tombstone should read...

How about something like this:

Here lies {replace by real name}.... 19** till 20** {replace with real dates}...

"She did what she wanted... !"
{copyright Cartman (South Park) who said "I do what I wan...." !!}
What I really want... is for this to be more than jus 'tombstone-literature'... I want it to be TRUE !!

Hmmm... and now in an attempt to keep up to the promise I've made to meself (to do what I WAN..).. AND since its Sunday..and the cable's out... I'm gonna get back in my blanket and read the "Namesake"...
...not coz its a great novel.. just coz... I kinda wanna know what happens to Gogol.. and also coz I don like to leave a novel half-read.. unless it really bad !!
Although last nite.. I had to put the novel away around the time Gogol's Father dies... it got too depressing for me...

... Or maybe.. I should jus make myself a cup of tea..and stare out the balcony at the trees and the Water tank...

DAMN I lead an exciting life...

"Create New Post"

I click on this tab... almost every day..

I take time off from some other pointless pursuits I have... to follow yet another pointless one... I FOOL myself into thinking I'm going to "create" something ...

But I'm no creator... Vomiting out some mindless shit on this webspace.... is NOT 'creativity' by any standards...
I dont't really write anything insightful or with substance.. I can't create Art.. or Music.. or Poetry...

Of course.. ANYONE (well almost.. ) can Fuck around and PRO-create... but to Create..

Ah.. now THAT remains the privelege of a fortunate few... !!

Today I had...

.. the most dreadful time at lunch...

I went earlier than I usually do..and with a bunch of people... that I don't usually prefer to go with...

Mostly coz of the lack of good conversation...
.. and if i don't have a good conversation at lunch time.. I can't relax..and if I don't get that break... my enthu about the post-lunch-work-session is at an all-time low !

Plus with it being Friday.. I'm already anxious for the 2-day-RESPITE from this place !!

:-/


Why do I blog ? why why why ?
I know why... I have no one to talk to here.. :)

ps: So I watch cricket... I even enjoy it.
But I can't remember names of players of other countries..and I don remember which match I saw when and what the score was.. and whether it rained.. and who was the man-of-the-match..and sometimes.. even the way it ended etc etc...
I thought it was coz I'm a 'fan' and not a 'fan-a-tic'...
but... I do remember stuff about movies..and I don THINK I'm fanatic about movies..

Well whatever.. this is the only conversation that happens at lunchtime.. and I don think I wanna start memorizing stuff..so I can make better CRICKET CONVERSATION...
No no no....

Why is it...

... that sometimes I want a High Powered Career and sometimes all i want is to own a small quaint bookstore in London...

:)

Notting Hill....

Ain't no sunshine... when she's gone....

Every human being...

\... should live one year of their life... completely free...

As in.. COMPLETELY FREE...


I dunno how else to describe the complete freedom I'm talking about.. cept to say.. COMPLETELY FREE !!

No responsibilities... no duties.. no office.. no studying.. no taxes... no curfews.. no bills...

I dunno how one could do it.. :) but DAMN.. wouldn't that be nifty ?


Why is it..that on my way home from work.. I can always think of SIX MILLION things that I wanna blog about.... and as soon as I login.. :) I come up with this lame shit that I've posted !!


hahhaha...

If it weren't for Seinfeld....

.. and the same episode for the nth time...

But seriously... if it weren't for Seinfeld... today would've been AB-SO-LYUTELY--- shit ALL !!

God bless tv and hot tea with a buddy on a cold (? well almost) winter's nite !!

G'nite absent audience...

-me

I could use a hug today...

I totally totally need one...

(deep sigh !!)


Don need no one to ask me any questions.. or try and solve my problems...
Jus a hug..and I'll be on my way...

:-/

Since I've figured out how...

I now KNOW that my popularity ratings are going down down down....

:-/

Ever known someone...

... who(m ??) you felt could see right THROUGH you...

..and not in that good-sort-of-sense.. where you think "Oh.. he completely gets me... he knows what I'm thinking...he knows what I'm REALLY trying to say.. and when he looks into my eyes.. blah-blah-bullshit..."

No, I'm talking about the nasty kind of see-through-you... where you feel like.. even when yer talking to him on phone.. he can HEAR the insecurity in your voice.. he knows when you are 'trying' too hard... and other secret stuff that you don't even admit to yourself most of the time !!

Well... guess what.. I think I have such a character at my work-place...

All I can hope for now is.. that all of the above.. is just a figment of my over-active imagination !!


here's hoping...
-me
ps: On second thoughts.. I think I've just developed some sort of inferiority complex... and this is just a natural reaction to it..
A couple more months.. and I'll be comfortably afloat...

Another excerpt....

... from way back when... (I'm in total nostalgia mode aajkal !!)

> ooooh...****** HATES my GUTS !!!!
> so here's a pattern I've observed...
> everyone who LIKES ME A WHOLE LOT FOR UNKNOWN REASONS (y'no.... " I feel
> very comfortable with you.. I have NO IDEA WHY..."), ends up HATING
> ME...for DIFFERENT tho still UNKNOWN REASONS (y'no..."You make my
> stomach turn..I have NO IDEA WHY...")!
> :))
> People like YOU however.. who KNOW why they (dis/)like me... well.. that
> makes for more easy going/longer lasting relationships !
> "put me on a pedestal..and I'll let you down before you move the ladder
> away !!"
> ;) howzzme analysis ?!
>


Well.. as it turns out... my 'astute' analysis was completely wrong... I ended being friends again with the dude who 'hated my guts' and of course.. I'm not in touch with the dude to whom this note was addressed !!
And of course.. I have NO IDEA WHY !!!
:P

But interesting quote... nonetheless...

In this big bad fast-moving world..

... someone still remembered my cubicle number....

:)

Was kinda cute...

.. When you know someone so well... and you still wanna be with them....

That's Powerful !!


heheh :) this is quote from something on tv rite now...


I dunno ... it doesn't sound as "profound" as the expression on the guy's face who said it...

hehehhe :)

Yaaron...

... I was thinking about this... and y'no what I miss most about my friends..
I think its the way each one of them laughed !! Every one of them has a distinct style.. some have a guffaw.. some just have a HUGE toothy grin.. some have a belly laugh..
Somehow.. whenever I really miss any one of them..and think about them... I picture them laughing.. really hard..

Sometimes they're laughing at my jokes... most often they're laughing at me... but..

:)

ya... I still like to remember them like that.. and I like to miss 'em just like that !!

Take care y'all...

-me

Love 'vs' Arranged....

.. The age-old argument... What is better.. which is the way to go...

The question still remains ofcourse... But my answer... which was ofcourse unequivocally "LOVE"... now seems to have changed..

No no..before you go start putting two and two together... this doesn't have to do with my own experiences...
My confusion... is a reaction to what I've been seeing around me... friends... family... friends of family and families of friends...
Of course I don't have enough sample-space to make statistical conclusions (believe it or not.. a BIG PART of my friends' circle.. .is still pretty single).. but I see a lot of "love" marriages FAILING.. and FAILING HARD !!

I was dicussing with my friends and trying to figure out what the main reasons are for this kind and this DEGREE of "falling out"...
But we didn't come to any reasonable conclusion .. the reasons were many and completely scattered..
Some had to do rushing into a relationship, without giving/taking the time to understand the 'significant' other... hence leading to compatibility issues later in life..
Some had to do with... a falling out as a result of pressured situations where .. the uncontrollable ups and downs on life were too much for one party to handle..
Some had to do with mother-in-law issues with the guy being too much of a mama's boy for anyone's good...

But the end-result is .. I dunno if I should 'recommend' love marriages to anyone.. I'm wondering if I should recommend marriage at all .. :-/


Confused,
me

The "TME" category

.. So there's this certain category of people... that I've just titled the "TME" category... i.e., the "Too Many Excuses" category of people...
They come in all shapes and sizes..and they all "excuse" about different sorts of things...
.. Some about why they didn't finish their work in time... some about why they didn't call when they promised... some why they didn't show up... some why they don't know what they are supposed to.. and the list goes on..

The common factor.. for all these people.. is that their excuses starting streaming out before you ask your question.. or even if you had NO intention of holding any sort of interrogation !!
I don't know what it is... Its definitely some sort of "defense" mechanism that kicks in automatically.. without need for much provocation (is dat a word ?! me-englis-sux)

I'm not commenting about whether their excuses are genuine or not... they might be genuine.. but in most cases, these people end up sounding quite pathetic...

I gotta make sure .. I don unsuspectingly fall into this category.. EVER !!

I feel a weird kind of restlessness....
It feels like .. I should be doing so many things.. but I'm not able to manage them all ... or even one of them ..
I end up doing just the bare minimum... and that too not entirely well...

I come back early from office.. thinking I'll catch up on sleep or some "housework".... I end up watching tv till late night.. then reading my novel till LATER in the nite... then having tea.. stayin awake...
So then I don sleep properly... and then ... I dunno.. crappy day next day !

I feel like I need a vacation... but I just came BACK from one !!
I miss GOA...

:(


Is everybody else happy with their life ? Am I the unsatisfied-minority ? Or am I jus PMS-ed ? Should I give a F*** about anyone else anyway ?

I feel sometimes..that I'm too hung up on everything at work being PERFECT etc... I should concentrate more on myself..
But I dunno.. on the other hand.. I'm such a Narcissist... I don REALLY think or talk much about anything but myself...
Arrrgh..why am I wasting my time and yours...

Hey if any of you are gonna be in Goa for New Year's.. lemme know.. maybe we can meet up !!


Ok... so I'm gonna buy a car... a really old car.... not a new one.. coz
1. I have no idea till when I'm here .. in Blore...
2. A parking lot in my apartment complex costs a THOUSAND bux rental...
3. I don wanna park a brand new car outside the apartment parking
4. And if I take a new car on loan.. and then I decide to leave the country... I don wanna have to pay the whole amount..

or some other shit like that..
My dumbass MAC is suddenly gone really slow !!
X-(

BYE

Dubey jee...

... I watched Monsoon Wedding again.. and I'm still in love with Dubey Jee.. and his silent proposal.. to "Eliss"...
:)

..And I guess the scene between Naseeruddin Shah and Lilette Dubey comes a very close second..


*****************************************************************

Its a little sad.. looks like all I've been blogging about ..ever since my "comeback" is TELEVISION...
But there's really nothing else going on my life worth writing about...

(Deeeeeppp sigggghhhh... ) oh well !!

g'nite !!

-me

Idiot Box ??!!

..and what I always considered the "Idiot Channel"... Star PLUS !

But its late at nite (or early morning....) but I'm watching a show with brilliant performances by Rajeshwari, Mita Vashisht and some others...

Its a show about the life of three women.. at different stages in their life.. their attitudes and their unique ways of dealing with their problems..

Maybe its because of the equation of the family members.. and the familiarity of the language.. or maybe because their family reminds me of people I know.. who have been in or still are in similar situations is what has glued me to this show.. or maybe its just the quality of everthing else on hindi-television..that in comparison makes this show look brilliant !!

The unfortunate part is however.. that the channel chooses to telecase something so good.. at this time.. and they reserve prime time for... actually... I don't even know know what they telecast at primetime anymore...

oh well...
g'nite...
-me

Excerpt from a long-ago yahoo-chat-session

me: I think this city (mebbe even this country).. needs some thappar police..
me: just a bunch of undercover thappar-policeman.. who have authority to SLAP anyone who acts DUMB or STUPID !


me: like people who elbow others in line.. people who spit on the road.. people who park their cars in teh middle of the road to figure out where to go.. and most of all PEOPLE WHO TALK IN THEATRES AND ANSWER THEIR CELL PHONES AND TALK REALLY LOUDLY

me: I'd love to walk upto them and say.. "Sir.. could you please..come OUT of the theatre hall w/ith your hands behind your head.. " .. "yes sir.. YOU.. with the big teeth and gums.. .. yes sir.. you with the cell phone..".. "please follow me sir.. "

me: "now sir.. if you could jus close your eyes for a minute for me sir.. ".. "thank you sir.. ".. ZHAPAKKKKKKK !!


me: arrrrggh.. they make me soooooooo mad !


I think this conversation.. was when I was at my frustrated-WORST !! I've come a long way since then...
Yup... I'm in the.. "I FORGIVE THE WORLD" kinda mood today..
;)

-me

Catch-22

Yossarian looked at him soberly and tried another approach. "Is Orr crazy?"
"He sure is," Doc Daneeka said.
"Can you ground him?"
"I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That's part of the rule."
"Then why doesn't he ask you to?"
"Because he's crazy," Doc Daneeka said. "He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to."
"That's all he has to do to be grounded?"
"That's all. Let him ask me."
"And then you can ground him?" Yossarian asked.
"No. Then I can't ground him."
"You mean there's a catch?"
"Sure there's a catch," Doc Daneeka replied. "Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy."
There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
"That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed.
"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.

Will people visit my blog.. even if I don't blog ??

I'm back...

I don't know WHY or for how long... but I have a feeling I'm back. I'll only have time to blog outside of office hours...
.. which is fine actually.. I've got a decent internet connection at home.. might as well put it to some use !!

- work break !! -

Diary Twenty Seven

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ps: Sometmes I feel I wanna break down and cry....
Nowhere to go .. nothing to do with my life...
I get lonely... oh so lonely....
Living on my own.. my own... my own...

Sometimes I feel I'm always walking too fast
And everything is coming down on me down on me
I go crazy oh so crazy living on my own

- Freddie Mercury (Livin' on my own)

Diary Twenty Six

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ps: Bulla ki jaanaa mein kon..

Diary Twenty Five

... Since there is no such thing as "Final"...


...I'll jus call this one.. the "countdown"....



3...
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Diary Twenty Four

So.. looks like he's going somewhere to do his MS or something..

I tried my best not to over-hear him... but .. I dunno I run into him quite often nowadays... I saw him on the weekend as well ..

I'll miss him when he's gone.... I hope its soon !!

***************************************************************************

So I'm having a fight with someone.. and I KNOW its not my fault.. and I KNOW he's being unreasonable..
And whenever that happens with me.. I have this uncontrollable urge to inform the other party of the same...
But sometimes its jus best to "Let it be... let it be.. let it be.. "

I'm kinda fighting with him "over a gal".. :))

Hahah.. back to school fer me ! :P


***************************************************************************

Its weird.. yesterday I was in a "I forgive the WORLD" kinda mood.. totally chilled out and relaxed and happy... HYPER almost..

And I dunno.. I think it started last nite itself.. but its been all downhill from then on...

I gonna learn to not let "every other person" dictate how I'm feeling...
yup.. F*** em all !!

:P

***************************************************************************


BURNT my toast writing this blog :(


But this is IMPORTANT.. ANOTHER THING I gotta do.. is STOP trying to be accepted and "get along" with that gang..

I mean I've gone to the extent of ACTING UNCOOL to FIT IN with this bunch of losers...

But NOT ANY MORE.. SCREW EM ALL !!

I found meself some half decent music.. I don need no one else....
I'm gonna head out of work as SOON as I can escape outa there !!

F***in bunch of LOSERS !!


X-(


-me
***************************************************************************

My life right now...

Have Maggi Mushroom soup and whole wheat bread with butter... listening to CHOPIN.. and reading blogs I had categorically sworn off of !!

:(

Why does "HOLLYWOOD" make.. being ALONE seem so kewl ?

I NEED A TEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!

:((

No no no.. no more SELF PITTTY !!

***************************************************************************

:(
I can't seem to send out sms-es tonite...

I think I'm jus gonna go sleep.. so that this day ends .. else its jus getting worse...

:(

g'nite absent audience...

Diary Twenty Three

It's been a while...


Well.. nothing much worth mentioning happened... and I've been a little busy with work and after-work stuff...

So there's this guy at work... kinda cute looking..but no dream-boy.. He was one of the first few people at my workplace that I kinda started recognizing and wishing whenever I'd pass him in the hallway..
--- Well there's some history here.. he recognized me at a movie theatre coz he'd seen me at work during my first week... so that's how we kinda got introduced. I have no idea what his name is.. and I'm sure he's forgotten mine too...--end of history--

So here's the thing... its the way he wishes me... He always does it in the exact same manner.. I mean.. he gestures with his head very slowly while maintaining full eye contact with me.. till the time he has passed ahead of me... and he has this serene smile on his face..
The smile seems to say we know each other very well... which ofcourse.. is completely ridiculous...

He dresses up in very similar clothes every day.. he wears a white or some other light colored shirt.. mostly with half sleeves.. and a half sleeves black sweater on it... He stands out coz of the way he dresses... he's average height.. has a lot of hair on his head and a tiny goatee.. straight eyebrows...

I don think I've ever heard him speak.. I actually don't even want to ..
I have no intention of trying to talk to him or get his attention or have more of a relationship with him than I have right now.. But what's weird... is that I look forward to meeting him in the hallway everyday..

And no... its not a crush...

*********************************************************

So I'm listening to "Tera te Mera" on repeat.. downloaded it recently...
Agenda for the weekend.. buy a tv... watch a movie.. James/Chocolate/Cinderalla Man/Kal ... Catch up with some old friends.. and get some well deserved rest..

While we're on that topic... z.....zz..z.z.z.z.z.z... I think its time to hit the sack....


-me


**********************************************************


" taane dendi e chaanani... "
:))


I think I'll stay young till small things like these.. make me happy... The day I stop noticing the small stupid stuff I enjoy so much... I'm gonna be "OLD"

Hope that's still a while away..

Although attending a talk on Tax Saving and Smart Investment today... made me feel a lil more "mature" ;)

Diary Twenty Two

If the auto-walaas in Bangalore "mysteriously" start getting murdered...
Its gonna be me..
Had the worst experience just 10 minutes after getting out of the airport in Bangalore... and that's it.. all my excitement of coming back "home"...
Poooof.....
Aww Gawn !!

I can never call this city "home".. I hate too much about it...
Its just a case of Mass-MisManagement !!

I wish some companies would jus MOVE out of here.. to some other places.. and I'm SURE people will just follow !!

But talking about home... I really don't feel at home ANYWHERE any more... its not Bangalore for SURE... I love Mumbai.. but then that's my parents' place now... its not exactly my "home"... The last time I felt at home was before July 2003 in Maryland.. but that's history now...
Sometimes Santa Barbara.. #6689 El Colegio seems "homely"... but naah... not home...
Damn.. I never thought I'd feel so "homeless"..

Also.. I've decided that I'm not gonna settle down.. I don even like those kind of questions...
"So.. are you planning to buy a house here ? When are you going to buy the house ? Where are you going to settle down ?" blah blah blah !!

I'm NOT going to settle down.. thinking of settling down 'scares' me.. It makes me feel like I'm being tied down to some place/some thing.. I don want that..
I wanna stay at some place only till/if I like it.. and then move to another place if I feel like it !!

So even if I buy a place in Bangalore... it'll be as "investment".. it WON'T be coz I wanna settle DOWN here..or ANYWHERE for that matter...

highly unsettled,
me

*********************************************
I'm having trouble sleeping...


I think I've gotten too used to sleeping with the tv on... BBC... well BBC because the tv would default to that channel everytime I switched it on...

And now back home.. no tv.. and nothing to read either..... (deeeep siiiigh !!)...

***************************************************************************

I may be bad at remembering dates... but I have ways of remembering some days...
March 6th....


***************************************************************************

Saw Salaam Namaste today... s|n ... if you see this "ulta" it reads "u|s" ...
So the movie wasn't keeping me THAT engrossed.. else I wouldn'ta noticed this stuff...

So Bangalore times gave it a 3.5 and Mumbai times gave it a 2.5 yesterday..
Now being a true Mumbaiite... I'm gonna go with 2.5 !! ;)

So here's the thing...
Saif's acting was ok... his style seemed a lil too reminiscent of KHNH..
But he DID manage to have the audience in splits sometimes..

Zinta.. hmmm... she didn't look hot to me.. and her acting.. well.. I think she does the freaked-out,angry,sad,screeching roles better than comedy. She needs a better director to control her "over-acting"...

J.Jaffery was funny... funnier in the first half.. a lil repititive in the second half...

The movie's story.. was good at times... ok at times.. and really really dragging in the middle. The songs were mostly misplaced and pointless...

Some of the outtakes were funnier than the movie..

But I had fun... I'm too much of a movie freak to not have fun.. plus people around me were REALLY enjoying themselves... and too many cell phones didn't go off during the movie... that's always good !!

***************************************************

Ganpati Bappa.. Moreya... Pudchya varshi.. Laukar Ya !!
:)

Diary Twenty One

Yup... that's it.. that's all I can count in Roman Numz...

So when they say.. "She's doing very well.. ".. or "He has an amazing job.."
All they are sayin is that he rakes in twice the moolah that you do, though you are twice as qualified..

It has NOTHING to do with what he does..
He might be cleaning the shit in other people's toilets and still be doing "very well" in some people's opinions..
X-(
YES it makes me mad.. makes me mad.. makes me mad... makes me MAD...

Coz I'm TRYING my darndest BEST to be one of those people who are satisfied with what they make.... coz otherwise its just a never ending rat race... but people around don make it too easy !!

Ah darn it, I guess I'm jus pissed that MICRO-F***-SOFT is offering freshers more than TWICE of what I make... to do TESTING !!

Diary XX

So I know what he does...
He works on making widely tunable umm... wait.. its monolithic widely tunable umm.. was it lasers ?... no... but its optical packets in InP .. and its for 40Gbps and 10Gbps payloads...

Ok... so I have NO idea what he does..

-me

**********************

So I read the paper...

Ok ok.. I jus got through paragraph-one of the ABSTRACT...

But there's something called optical labeling..and the point is to keep the payload optical at the input and output... and not.. um... convert it (to electrical signals ??!!) ? while you route it ?
Or something like that anyway...

That stuff sux man.. SIMULATORS are wayyyy cooler :))

************************

Writing this thing is ACTUALLY like talking to oneself... (I gotta take care of the spelling though.. )
Its good when there's no one around or "willing" or free to listen to me...

I promised myself I won't start singing the "Mr. Lonely" song again... so I won't.. even THOUGH... this is the PERFECT situation for it...
Sitting in the lounge of the hotel... alone... with only this uncle in front of me biting his nails.. staring at the bunch of girls who jus came in... for dinner at the Kabaab Factory...

Got to locate the 3 hot guys who were heading for the gym... and make sure I have dinner at the same restaurant as them..

-me
ps:Naah.. m gonna order a sandwich in room-service.. eating alone isn't as much as fun as it used to be....

**************************

Diary XIX

Well...he's getting married...
He's the last of what our "gang" was.. and if it weren't for him getting married.. I'd be the last one to have proverbially "bitten the dust"...

And I'm happy for him... he sounded so happy today.. it made me happy..

Even though he woke me up at SEVEN THIRTY AM ... which is a big no-no as far as I'm concerned !!

But I'm happy he's happy !!

-me
happy-singh

Diary XVIII

I dunno what it is with me and bad haircuts....


Hmm.. but maybe its not really the haircut... its jus me... and the secret fantasy I harbor everytime.. that when I get out of a salon after a haircut... I'll look like a SUPERMODEL.. out of VOGUE or something....

(a.k.a. Jassi ??!! hahaha.. that reminds me of a.. uh.. actually TWO friends of mine.. who've compared me to Jassi.. mebbe its the specs..and the all-famous "yellow suit" that's been part of my wardrobe ever since I can remember.. )

So no supermodel stuff here... jus plain 'ol me.. with slightly shorter hair..

Schwarzkopf... my ASS !!!

X-(


-me
ps: and NO respect for money... NONE !!


******************************************



How can I make you stop...

How can I make you not leave....

Tears... diluted

Words... meaningless

Demands... unreasonable

Complaints... too trite



Dedicated to those... who've left... and those.. who might..


not-a-poet,
me

******************************************

The Moral: NEVER blog past 2 am !!

-me


******************************************

I can hear the crows crowing...

When my sis was around 6 I think... she used to say.. that when she can't sleep ... she just lies in bed waiting to hear the crows crow.. and as soon as she did.. she'd feel sleepy...

I'm gonna try the same...

G'nite absent audience...

Diary XVII

Things I miss (in no particular order):

The pond and the hill (that we used to call lake and mountain respectively) behind AEJC...

Chamko..

Playing bluff in the afternoons in the corridor of the building

Kailas...

Eating Omwich sandwiches at 7-11

Drives on the beltway..

Taking that road alongside the Potomac whenever I got lost...

1.5 hr long T-breaks with the office gang...

Copying assignments while singing songs in college

Preparing for Dumb-Cees after classes

Taking infinitely long walks in A'nagar with my best friend....

Diary XVI

... I realized.. I don't really have a dream...
There are a lot of things I want in life.. and a lot MORE that I "think" I want...
I want to figure out some I'm sure I want.. and then resolve to do something EVERYDAY to inch towards it...

I may not achieve it in time.. or at ALL..... but if its something good.. I'm sure the journey itself will be the reward...

philosophical,
me

Diary XV

So first I get a 175-rupee manicure... and then I decide to cut off my nice shaped-cleaned-buffed-filed-polished nails...

My Dad is right.. I have NO RESPECT for money...

--------------------

Saw "The Interpreter" again... and since I was watching it for the second time... did a lot of random thinking as well..
-- like they could never make a movie like this in Hindi.. where the perfectly good-looking hero and heroine spend so many vulnerable moments together but don't end up getting married or having a "Roop tera mastaaana" sequence
(though with the recent spate of "Hat Ke" hindi movies.. I AM beginning to accord more credit to bollywood !!)
-- like I noticed that on Sunday nights.. there are more "couples" at the movies than other shows on the weekend...
-- like women in the theatre do a lot of "looking around" at other women for time pass.. :)

Diary XIV

You know how people... think about really deep stuff when they spend a lot of time alone...
When time spent by yourself is like an inward glance into your soul....
When no one else is around to communicate with you... you communicate with yourself and learn so many things that you never knew about yourself....

Well... doesn't happen with me.. nope.... nothing.. nada !!

X-(

Diary XIII

I think I made a friend today... a female friend..
:)

Its been a while...
Hope this works out...

Diary XII

There's a blogger I'm jealous of.. but I won't tell ANYONE who it is... or why....

-me
ps: I better start using some other form of numeric notation for my Diary entries, don't think I know the Roman Notation beyond nineteen !!
pps: Dinno Disprin was banned.. yesterday I asked someone for one.. and he gave me this SHOCKED look and whispered .. ever so quietly... "but.. isn't that BANNED".. had to explain to him that I didn't really want it for any other purpose cept to drive my headache away.. ANY medicine would do !! (sheesh)
ppps: Dunno anyone else who has (ppp)ps-es longer than their blogs !!
pppps: I think I act really weird when I'm not well..

Diary XI

You know how in the movies.. its always so romantic when the heroine falls sick... and then the hero looks after her... hot soup, blanket and what not...

WELL IT AIN'T THAT HOT IN REAL LIFE... X-(
ya ya... I know I'm no heroine... but it seriously sucks man...
stuffed nose... nagging headache.. and that garam-garam feeling... although yer dying to get into a blanket coz yer hands and feet are COLD !!

I'mna go to bed now.. probably no updates till next week...

All my love to my absent audience..

My Wife's Murder... Recommended

Recommended "viewing" I mean...

Good movie...
Not one of those that have a moral etc.. but one of those "Is raat ki subah nahee"-type focussed movies... revolving around an incident...

Good strong cast... in fact.. everyone has acted so well in the movie.. right from Anil Kapoor and Ms. Krishnamoorthy-Kapoor .. to the kids... to the woman playing the maid... so much so that.. Boman Irani's talent paled in comparison to the rest..

But full marks to Anil Kapoor... I'd say after "Woh Saat Din".. this is the only other movie I've seen.. that manages to COMPLETELY exploit this guy's potential... He plays his character with absolute subtlety and does a brilliant job expressing all emotions right from indifference,frustration, to overwhelming gratitude and towards the end... desperate helplessness...

The movie keeps on its track without any distractions...
It DID lose pace in the middle... and theatre audiences were getting restless... the climax got a little hard-to-believe... but I think they managed to bring it back on track with the ending.

I don't know why they want to send movies like "Mangal Pandey" to the Oscars when they have actual gems like this one...
I'm not saying that this is good enough to win an OSCAR, but it IS among the best that we have this year...

Diary X

So it starts suddenly... sometimes I'm jus sitting somewhere.. watching tv or something.... sometimes I'm standing.. that's when its worse...
I feel it coming on slowly... my hands start to go cold... and my eyes.. lose focus.. It seems like I'm actually seeing the world at a much lower resolution than usual...
My brain functions very normally otherwise.... I feel like I hear voices more clearly etc... but my arm... its generally my left arm first... goes numb. I can see it.. but I can't feel it completely.. I can even move it.. but... weirdly.. it still feels numb... my right eye generally waters after this...
This discomfort lasts from anything between one to fifteen minutes... then slowly goes away.. leaving behind a splitting headache as a reminder...

No no... I'm not saying that its worse than labor pains or migraine... its jus that... in case its a brain tumor...and I decide to write an autobiography... maybe it'll help to have some material ready frm the early-days


Hallmark-true-story-movies... here I come !!

Diary IX

You know what sucks...
- when the jeans you bought yesterday.. that you thought made you look so HOT... don't fit right at the waist.. are too long fer you... and have acid wash rips
- when yer plan to come to office early flops coz you spend twenty minutes in the morning.. staring at yourself in yer new jeans.. wondering WHAT THE HECK is wrong with them...
- when the TINIEST of surprises you had planned for someone... flops right before your own eyes..

:(

Oh well.. not a good start to the day...

Diary VIII

La la la la.. la la...
la la la la... la la..
la la.. LA LA LA Johnyyy...
la la la la... la la

:)

*****************************

Diary VII

MUMBAI

The city has its problems... and GOD knows lately, it has had MORE than its share....

But you know... despite all that... the city is REAL.. it has SOUL..its a REAL city.... not some "wannabe" like the one I'm livin in rite now
Driving on the roads of Mumbai... early morning toward the airport.. made me fall in love with it.. all over again..
Before I left it.. I had no idea I'd miss it that much... or how PROUD I'd be .. to be a Mumbaiite..

So soon after Indy day.. one would think I'd be writing patriotic stuff about how I'm proud to be an Indian...
oh well...

**************
There's a place.. for us.. you know.. in the movies somewhere..
When you gonna realize.. that its just that the time was wrong...
Juliet....

A love struck Romeo..

**************

I want to watch "Dil Se" again..
No.. not for Shah Rukh Khan.. just for.. Ae Ajnabi..
That "Paakhi paakhi pardesi " part is so haunting...

**************

Diary VI

.. So one good thing about the women in my team... I mean.. they're not "overtly friendly".. but one common thing among them.. they're ALL extremely forthright, upfront and reasonably aggresive..
There is no "yes sir yes sir" business with them.. they speak their mind.. and they know what they are talking about !!

MORE Power to them !!

Diary V

... Saw a physio-therapist today.. who told me he had 3000 software engineers as patients.. with similar back/neck ailments... all young (?) people between 25-35...

This is really crazy... I don't remember my folks complaning of back trouble till they were atLEAST forty-plus..

So making-lots-of-money is not the ONLY reason this generation is goin in for "early retirement"..

:-/

Annnyway... now I have DOCTOR'S ORDERS to start going to the gym.. AFTER my back is back-in-shape that is !

---

Sometimes... the things that you find really exciting about someone during the initial interactions... completely lose their charm after a while.. in some cases they even become irritants...

But sometimes... when you get to really know a person.... you get an opportunity to discover their special qualities.. some that you never knew existed !

So the moral of the story is... SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER !! That way you get to see the good, the bad and sometimes even the UGLY.. but alteast its the real deal !!

Diary IV

Sometimes.. people just disappear from your life... without warning...

I mean.. its not like I'm asking them to WARN me.. coz naturally.. if I had any such hint about their plans.. I'd DO something about it...
Wouldn't let them disappear for one..

But it happens.. I KNOW !
..coz it has happened to me more than just a couple of times...
... one minute they are around... they have time for you.. (you have time for them).. you check in with each other.. etc etc..
...and then one fine day.. you turn around.. and poof !! they're GONE !

You can still get in touch with them.. I mean.. du-uh !! technology !!... but the connection is lost..
Sometimes you get it back though... and its STILL as strong as it was when you disconnected... but .. not always..
And you can't even complain about it.. I mean what do you say right ?

It sux though... when they let go..and yer still hanging on...
Maybe the right thing to do is to keep hangin on... or maybe you should let go as well...
I dunno...

"Aap ke bagair hi..
je lenge hum.. isi tarah..
Door hi.. rehke you abse..
hum nibhayenge wafah..
Raaste .. jin par chale the
saath hum.. jo do kadam...
Unpar dikhenge.. na kabhi..
gar aapki .. hai ye razaa..

Ihtefaaq.. se agar..
mil bhi jayein.. hum kabhi..
Mod lena.. muh ki yu...
aapne.. dekha nahee..
Na koi.. gila na shikwa..
dil mein tere waaste..
Na koi.. dard hai ab...
ki ab alag hein.. raaste..."


Damn.. I think I need some food in me.. so I can get back to work...

Diary III

Its funny how my need to surround myself with people.. alternates with my need to distance myself from everyone ...

Review of Stealth

Stealth

A Politically Correct Hollywood movie about - the quintessential American Alpha male: complete with blue eyes, blond hair, dimples and an arrogant smirk, the ‘good christian’ black American.. who knows ALL about prime numbers… and guess who else.. a hot American “Chika”.. who besides being the best pilot in the class.. also possesses the distinction of cracking dialoges such as.. “Pardon my ‘C’-cup “ !!

Oh wait.. its not just about these three… there’s a fourth I dare not forget.. it’s the all-knowing.. all-(aritificially)-intelligent unmanned pilot system called EDI.. who after being struck by lightening.. downloads ALL the songs from the web and not so surprisingly develops FEELINGS !! First the enemy..then the friend… EDI manages to outwit our three pilots.. cuts off the boss on radio when his instructions don’t matter… and basically saves the day along with the hero and the heroine…

The black American.. of course dies.. The boss turns into a turncoat and the big guy in Washington is involved in the coup as well.. But to make sure the reputation of war-heroes is not tarnished… the boss kills himself and the Americans re-iterate that their enemies are (STILL) the Russians and North Korea..

And if you thought this completed your entertainment package.. WAIT !! There’s also an item number with our blue eyed boy and sexy C-cup chika in a bikini !!

So… “Would you like FRRRRIES with dat sir ??!!”

Diary II

.. ok slept a MARATHON 10pm - 8:30 am.. that's a RECORD for a weekday !!

Nothing to report as yet..

Ok.. so this new guy is being interviewed for our team.. and its so weird to hear these guys talking about him..
Not so long ago.. they were probably discussing ME... :O
Y'no.. they ALL know what all I know and what all I don't.. my intervie feedback.. Its not FAIR !! :)
Hmm... but it felt nice knowing that they sifted through LOTS of resume(s) and interviewed LOTS of people before they hired me...

The question of the day is... if I get an opportunity.. should I DANCE ??!!

Hmm....

Diary I

.. troubled sleep again tonite
Looks like this is gonna be the default title of all my "Diary " entries..
The maid came in at a TOTALLY ridiculous time.. at SEVEN A M, right in the middle of my REM period.

No thoughts troubling me today.. though I had a weird dream again.. I was writing an English exam, and I came in late..so I'm already behind..and to top it.. my BOSS is my exam supervisor.. and then I turn in my paper five minutes before time, only to realize that I haven't even LOOKED at the last page of questions... I finally build up the courage to take my paper back from him.. only to find my DAD having replaced my BOSS as the supervisor :-/

... annnnyway.. so maybe its a GOOD thing that the maid woke me up.. my dream was only getting SCARIER !!

Ok.. I'm gonna STOP now till I have something better to write...

AFFAIRS ON EMAIL...

.. Its strange how they can be more exciting than "live actual" ones.. In some sense they are harmless as well...
So its twice the fun and excitement with just half the risk..
.. The strange chemistry the you can develop.. solely on basis of witty exchanges.. hmmm....
.. Sweet Nostalgia ;)

PLs

.. I dunno if I want to become a manager or a PL.. its a glam position ( as far as this industry goes.. thats as GLAM as you get).. but it makes you lose weight.. if yer a GOOD supervisor that is !!

Diary

Thinking of converting this blog into a diary...

weird dreams tonite... had to get up early.. the dreams helped.. but I didn't want to get up early by not sleeping properly the night before..

anxiety.. needless anxiety.. over mostly insignificant things.. interspersed with moments of calm... mostly when having a cup of tea with friends.. or just before I sleep when I'm on the phone.. or holding my pillow really tight.. dunno if its the weather.. or the new blanket.. but something's helping me sleep a lot better...

plans.. made everyday everyhour.. but not one of them have I seen to completion.. like they say, you plan and you plan and you plan..and then life just comes and takes over.. and you plan again..

but I dance.. whenever I can..

again-a-novel.. I read it .. I couldn't stop reading it.. but once I reached the end.. it seemed so.. so typical.. and I hated the ending.. but something about that novel.. still bothers me..

the weird dreams are having a weird-affect on me today..

about bosses and assholes...

.. what's to say... they're SYNONYMS !!!

....only SHIT comes out of them....

-in-deep-shit

.. in retrospect..

There is ONE good thing about getting into depression...
... its the feeling you get ..when you slowly get OUT of it..

... all on yer OWN !!


-her-own-person

..time to blog...

sometimes I feel the need to have someone around that I can cry in front of... and I don mean.. ladylike-sobbing.. I mean letting out a full-throated BAWL...
someone who knows they don't have to say or ask anything while they jus let you cry.... someone yer not embarassed in front of.. someone who knows that you actually feel weak sometimes..

And trust me.. letting muffled sobs out in a pillow .. making sure your roomies next door don't hear you..(coz they think you are the STRONGEST person they know.. ) doesn't quite cut it !

Morning mumblings..

ps: There are only two good things about my blog.. one.. the title.. two.. the fact that its mostly empty..

I used to wonder how someone could be depressed around the time of their birthday...

.. well.. I don wonder anymore...

A person like me can never write a blog..
SHOULD never write a blog...

A blog is like your personal day to day diary..
I don share what's going on in my life with my closest friends.. or family..
There's NO way I'm gonna put it up on a BLOG for the WORLD to see..
If I ever do.. I'd be LYING..
(Mind you.. this is the ONLY time any of my blogs is gonna contain even an iota of truth !!)

totally mind-f***ed,
g
ps: There are only two good things about my blog.. one.. the title.. two.. the fact that its mostly empty..

You know yer getting old when...

.. the radio-city blast-from-the-past is the song you whistle most often
.. the galli ka bhelpuri-wallah that you used to call bhaiyya.. now calls you auntie..
.. some 18 yr old's blog mentions your favorite cartoon show as a true classic...

- dangerously-close-to-thirty :(

One glued page...

Just one glued page in the book....

Someday I'll write something with this title...
.. will have to take permission from someone though...


You say your life is an open book.. yet the book doesn't mention me...
Do I exist solely in the confines of that one glued page...

Yea.. cheesy.. I know ;)

Under construction...

Would you ever think of me... if I never remind you that I exist....
Would things people say... remind you of me..
Will you hear something on the radio or tv that you'll want to share with me.. but then remember that I'm not around...
No ??!! ... well neither will I...

A passing muse....

Moments wasted... words unspoken... stories untold...
It was too late now.. she told herself as she headed home...

But then maybe... it wasn't something that needed to be styled in fancy prose... or something that took an eternity to realize...

Maybe it was a simple emotion that was betrayed by a single glance..
A common joke.. that was shared by just half a knowing-smile or four misspelt words of an sms...

She smiled and thought that this was it..
It put her at ease.. and there.. she was almost home..

As sleep eludes...

As sleep eludes...
And peace of mind.. seems but a shadow in the distant past...

I try and think...
Of what I've learnt and all I've loved and what I've lost...

I loved to learn..
then learnt to love...
then yearned the love I thought I had lost...

then lost the love.. I always had..
and learnt that love.. came at a cost..